NEW YORK, NY – In this age of texting, mobile uploads, Facebook and the like, we have this need to tell people what we’re doing –all the time. No matter where we are, we can advise people. We’re so self-centered, we think that we need to text in what we’re doing so other people can stop their lives and go, “Wow. I am really glad fill-in-the-blank is excited the fiberous breakfast worked it’s magic!” I’m on Facebook and I’ve seen stuff that inane. I’ve also seen someone post that their father died. (This was a friend of a friend – so not really my friend.) Honestly, people have no shame.  Just when we thought it was absurd enough to overhear personal conversations brought to you by public cell phone use, we get this.

And now there is Twitter. Twitter is basically the Facebook ‘update function’ on steriods. You can ‘twit’ what you are doing via the internet or cell phone for those people who are interested in following you. Whatever… I think people who twitter are twits. Sure, I am on Facebook and post Status Updates, but it’s more an exercise in humor.

Thus, for today’s exercise, I thought it might be fun to take the whole Facebook Status Update/Twitter tweeting thing and ponder what they’d be for certain figures in the public eye. So, here goes:

A-Rod is getting that thing removed from his hip (and by thing, I don’t mean Madonna).
Sean Avery is realizing the sloppy seconds in NYC are much finer.
Terrell Owens is packing his bags for parts unknown.
The Matts is/are ordering seer sucker suits in Met ready colors for the season opener.
Rex O’ Rourke is boycotting Jim Rome’s show.
Herm Edwards is still salty after last season and just in general.
Brian Cashman is shopping for a third baseman.
Troy Polomalu is straightening his hair because it will look nicer with his Super Bowl bling.
Ex-President Bush is confused at all this talk about a stimulus package.
Angry Ward is on fire… period.
Johan is wondering if Mineral Ice would help.
Time Warp Tony is: DAMN! I just figured out this internet thing – now Twitter?!?!
Brett Favre is realizing golfing isn’t going to do it. Where next?
Manny Ramirez is poor… $45 Million for two years? Que lastima! (Buy his Beantown condo!)
Derek Jeter is wondering if Red Bull is an illegal stimulant?
West Coast Craig is trying to figure out how to smuggle bacon into Dodger Stadium.
Randy Levine is looking for friends to join him in the bathtub.
Charles Barkley is looking for that prison jumpsuit in a longer length.

There you have it folks.  Only thirty-one days left until opening day and already things are picking up.  In the meantime, Manny’s gotta top this Driver’s License photo with a new one in LA. Me?  I gotta run. After I marinate the chicken for dinner, I’m going to have to find the time to update people on it. You know, I have to keep ’em updated on the glamourous life of a MTM blogger.

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About Cookie 101 Articles
Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.