DOIN’ TIME: PLAXICO GOT TOO MUCH

RIKER’S ISLAND, NY – Perhaps, if Plaxico Burress simply had a taller lawyer. After all, court stature means something, doesn’t it? Anyway, a severe case of the flu, hopefully not swine, has altered our thinking in a way only Dr. Timothy Leary or Hunter S. Thomspon could understand;

We think Plaxico got a raw deal.

Should Burress have gotten off scot-free? No. However, going to Riker’s Island for 2 years, with a minimum of 20 months for good behavior, is just wrong. Dare we say that it’s criminal? Not so much (we’re notorious fence-riders) but what the Let’s Make An Example For Example’s Sake is going on here?

Note the following excerpt from the above clip:

“I think it would be an outrage if we didn’t prosecute to the fullest extent of the law, particularly people who live in the public domain, make their living because of their visibility. They are the role models for our kids.”

Jeepers! Does that mean that The Matts would do more time for streaking at CitiField than Yankee Joe would at The House That Greed Built? It sure seems that way. To be fair to Mayor Bloomberg, though, let’s check out another Crime And Punishment situation with a high-profile athlete:

In Formula One, Renault escaped with a suspended ban as punishment for ordering former driver Nelson Piquet Jr. to deliberately crash in last yearâ€™s Singapore Grand Prix so teammate Fernando Alonso could win. Renault will stay in F1, but that they would face permanent disqualification from the sport if they should breach FIA rules again within the next two years. Are we missing something here? They order a guy to crash. The guy crashes, jeopardizing lives of fellow drivers and fans, and gets immunity for his testimony and they get a two year suspension. That’s it!

That’s not good enough for you? Okay, let’s compare Crime vs Time outside of the sports world:

Locked Up Abroad, our new favorite show on the National Geographic Channel, covers jail time travelers do in foreign jails. These four knuckleheads tried smuggling cocaine out of Brazil and were nabbed at the airport. After one of their fathers unsuccessfully tried paying for the release in the form of a bribe, he gave a suitcase of cash to Brazil’s best defense attorney. Their sentence went from 25 years to 4 in an hour-long case. Look at the amount of cocaine strapped to their bodies. FOUR YEARS! That’s it.

After considering all of the above, we can’t help but feel like an Oliver Stone worthy conspiracy has engulfed Plaxico. Morever, we feel that somehow, some way, Bill Belichick is behind Burress’ being behind bars. Think about it. His defensive backs couldn’t keep that golden pair of hands from catching the game-winning pass in the Greatest Super Bowl Ever vs The Undefeated New England Patriots. Now those hands are incapable of giving Bill The Cheater any more grief, at least for 20 months.

Look, Plaxico Burress is guilty of breaking the law and jeopardizing the safety of others. He is also guilty of being a pampered athlete that hasn’t had to deal with much of the reality that Pat Q. Fan (not gender specific) has to deal with on a daily basis. But, he’s 32 with a pregnant wife, a little boy and a sentence that fits like O.J.’s glove. Now, for two years, he’ll be subjected to this kind of activity:

And that’s just the beginning. From what we understand, he can also expect things to be thrust in his face, the magnitude of which he’s never seen before:

This is all very unsettling. Maybe it’s our flu, maybe it’s the drugs we’re on to combat our malady. Either way, Plaxico Burress should not be at Riker’s Island beginning a two-year hitch – at least not while the Giants or Jets could use him.

That’s all for today, please chime in below, tell people about MTM, get a flu shot and look for Grote’s Gripes tomorrow…