*Sam’s-A-Fan’s computer imploded again so Replacement Matt stepped in…
NEW YORK, NY – Okay, I have been called out by the people of Mattville and as a result I must answer my fellow Matts’ calls and deliver the goods on soccer.
So, as a result of my saying something to the effect of –“I like soccer and the World Cup is pretty cool.” – I am now branded as Soccer Replacement Matt or Replacement Soccer Matt or whatever. As long as you donâ€™t call me Cricket Matt… Wait, never mind. I digress…
There are many soccer haters out here in Mattville and and I hear your argument; soccer may suck, be boring, have low scoring, end in ties, have lame shootouts to end the games, should allow checking, have goonish fans who should probably get some other hobbies, etcâ€¦ I get it – you think it bites.
But here is the thing: EVERYONE in the world plays soccer and if you as an American ever hope to be on top again and regain your rightful place in the world it is imperative that the US kicks ass at the game everyone plays. Plain and simple. Especially if we donâ€™t even care about it.
Chew on that for a minute. What a display of American arrogance that would be! We could tell Europe or South America or whoever:
- “We we beat you all at a game we donâ€™t even like to watch, that you value so much and nobody in our country even knows about. You losers, no wonder we had to bail you out in WW2!“
Think of the possibilities when you travel abroad or brag to your friends from Europe that we donâ€™t even care and we kicked your asses. So, it is your patriotic duty as good Americans to root the US team on, especially if you donâ€™t watch a game, or know the name of a player. Thatâ€™s how big this is. It’s bigger than you, me, Elmer Fudd and The Matts even.
Now, whoâ€™s with me?