Replacement Matt

Dumb-Dumb Maker DeAndre Baker, Maple Leafs, MLB Life Support, NBA Defying COVID

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LOCKDOWN, NJ – After returning from a two-day attempted social distancing stay with the family upstate, I’m back to replace Short Matt today. It’s what I do. Here’s what caught my eye: Dumb-Dumb Maker DeAndre Bake, Maple Leafs, MLB Life Support, NBA Defying COVID JUST IN DEPARTMENT DeAndre Baker was just charged with four counts […]

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Sports Return: New Team Names, NHL Seattle, Washington Football Club, Fauci vs Dell’Abate

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SLEEPY, NJ – Welcome, finally, to an exciting weekend. Yes, sports have returned. We have something to nourish our empty souls; previously filled with unmarked federal agents and wind-bag officials. Major League Baseball kicked things off  and soon the NHL and NBA tournaments will be upon us. The real world is sure to interfere with […]

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Breaking Mets News: Bidding Opens Up. Cohen Back At Table. Jimmy Kimmel 30 for 30 on ’86 Mets

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COVIDIA, USA – Welcome to Friday folks. We’ve made it through another week without being besieged by Boogaloo Bois and Karens, congratulations! Anyway… As the return of actual sports seems just around the corner, today I bring you news on the mighty New York Metropolitans, the proud NL NYC Ballclub. Not only do the Metsies […]

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Covid Prop Bets: Which Sport Will Stop Their Season First?

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SH*T HOLE COUNTRY, USA – As we enter into Fourth of July weekend and the inevitable spike in cases, I’d like to take a look at prop betting on sports restart and stops that should be coming in the next month or so. Which Sport Will Stop Their Season First? NBA 15-1 MLB 25-1 NHL […]

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Rob Manfred Worst MLB Commissioner Ever? Worst In All Sports?! Plus: Ban NASCAR

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SENSIBLE, NJ – A good day to you,  and as the day unfolds I’d like to share with you the one sports -elated thought that has been percolating in my brain for weeks now. Apparently, the MLB players union and owners’ lackey, Rob Manfred, have finally gotten into a room and had a chat to […]

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How Sports Can Save the World… But Probably Won’t

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DANTE’S INFERNO, USA – Wow! A lot has been going on in the world lately, eh? COVID 19 seems like small potatoes compared to all the other stuff happening. Don’t ya think? Well, I’m here to follow up on my brothers-in-arms, Junoir Blaber and Buddy Diaz’s comments and defy Management (Short Matt said white guys […]

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Sports-Less Landscape? Watch “Bad Lieutenant’s” Best Fictional Sports Moment

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COVID COUNTY, USA – Welcome to Memorial Day Weekend, where we look forward to BBQ’s, MLB baseball, NHL and NBA playoffs… oh wait, none of those things are on tap anymore. Oh well, we can watch some reruns of old games. Wait… I guess Horse Racing is happening now? Well, in the spirit segues from […]

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Replacement Matt: Korean Baseball, The Last Dance, Iconic Announcers Calling Video Games

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LOCK’D, NJ –  As we approach our umpteenth week indoors, I think we can all collectively state we have lost our goddamn minds. When I read an article on The Athletic that Gary Cohen is excited to call video games for the network, you know things are bleak. When we are excited to get up […]

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Replacement Matt: NFL Draft Notes, Entertainment Value? Mets Fumble Ownership

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QUARANTENIA, BASEMENT – Welcome to another beautiful in day in our eternal lock-down. Last night the sports world offered up the first semblance of a return to normalcy in the much over-hyped event outside the ESPY’s – the first round of the NFL Draft. An “event” that I normally skip in favor of watching a […]

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Replacement Friday: What Is Left?

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PANDEMIA, LOCUSTS – One month into lock-down and social and economic oblivion and Ive been tasked to write a sports column. I managed to drum up ideas of how to restart sports leagues in a satirical way last time out and… it seems someone was listening? I suggested playing all baseball in Florida and the […]

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