Replacement Matt

Sports-Less Landscape? Watch “Bad Lieutenant’s” Best Fictional Sports Moment

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COVID COUNTY, USA – Welcome to Memorial Day Weekend, where we look forward to BBQ’s, MLB baseball, NHL and NBA playoffs… oh wait, none of those things are on tap anymore. Oh well, we can watch some reruns of old games. Wait… I guess Horse Racing is happening now? Well, in the spirit segues from […]

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Replacement Matt: Korean Baseball, The Last Dance, Iconic Announcers Calling Video Games

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LOCK’D, NJ –  As we approach our umpteenth week indoors, I think we can all collectively state we have lost our goddamn minds. When I read an article on The Athletic that Gary Cohen is excited to call video games for the network, you know things are bleak. When we are excited to get up […]

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Replacement Matt: NFL Draft Notes, Entertainment Value? Mets Fumble Ownership

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QUARANTENIA, BASEMENT – Welcome to another beautiful in day in our eternal lock-down. Last night the sports world offered up the first semblance of a return to normalcy in the much over-hyped event outside the ESPY’s – the first round of the NFL Draft. An “event” that I normally skip in favor of watching a […]

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Replacement Friday: What Is Left?

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PANDEMIA, LOCUSTS – One month into lock-down and social and economic oblivion and Ive been tasked to write a sports column. I managed to drum up ideas of how to restart sports leagues in a satirical way last time out and… it seems someone was listening? I suggested playing all baseball in Florida and the […]

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Sports Quarantine Solutions: LeBron, NHL in Yellowknife, MLB Moves To Florida

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NEW PESTILENCE, NJ – Happy Friday everyone, in The Land That Time Forgot. Days of the week mean nothing while sitting home for the umpteenth day running home school and wondering if everything you experience is a symptom of the bug. But enough about that noise, let’s talk about the world we wished we still […]

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Suspend This! To-Do List for Sports Fans During Coronavirus Lockdown

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MEDICAL TENT, ANTARCTICA – The NBA is suspended indefinitely, The NCAA tournament will be not be played. Short Matt’s Major League Rugby suspended matches for a month after Buddy Diaz jinked jinxed them yesterday. And as I type, the NHL has suspended its season and MLB has suspended the remaining spring training games and at […]

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Replacement Friday: The Worst Week in Sports

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MUTTONTOWN, RI – Happy Friday to you my friends. I have been racking my head for days and I’ve come up with very little to talk about. Why? Because this is possibly The Worst Week in Sports. There is literally nothing of note going on at all. I mean, people are talking about a heavyweight […]

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Replacement Friday: MLB Rule Changes, Hobbies For Jeff Wilpon Away From Mets

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“What is the point of having new ownership if the boob who sunk the franchise to bush league depths gets to stay in charge? – Replacement Matt GROUNDHOG DAY, PA – Winter is waning, spring is just around the corner, birds are chirping and a Chinese Hoax is taking hold. Pitcher and Catchers have reported […]

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Steve Mills is out as the New York Knicks Trade Deadline Looms

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SPANISH HARLEM – On Tuesday Steve Mills was fired as President of the New York Knicks. Though it was surprising to some that it came so close to the trade deadline, I find myself not surprised at anything done by James Dolan. It was rumored that Mills and Scott Perry would be out at the […]

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Super Bowl Weekend: Prop Bets, Thoughts, Predictions

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MIAMI, FL – Yes folks, hold on to your hats, the Big Game is fast approaching, Super Bowl Sunday will be here before you know it and we may actually have a game on our hands this time. I’ve been listening to everyone of these so called experts go back and forth. Well who cares […]

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