Replacement Matt

Replacement Matt: Beltran Out. Cora Ejected. Here Are Replacements

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FLUSHING, TOILET – Well lookie here, the New York Metropolitans have succumbed to pressure and agreed to [Almost] Manager Carlos Beltran stepping down in the wake of the Houston cheating scandal. Who knew? The court of public opinion is stronger than the Wilpon’s purse strings apparently. Are they actually going to pay three managers at […]

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Clairvoyant Matt: Bold Sports Predictions for Giants, Mets, Knicks, Rangers, Celeb Pundits

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WEST BROOKLYN, NJ – A very Happy New Year to you my friends! As the days between the years come to an end we all slide into an uncertain future. What will tomorrow bring? What will the coming year bring? Where will we be in ten years? Well, fear not I have seen the future […]

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Replacement Matt: Cespedes Contract Reduced, Ellsbury, Phil Jackson To Follow?

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WEST BROOKLYN, NJ – Happy Holidays and all that to you my friends. Welcome to the most stressful time of the year. Scramble to get your work done, scramble to get your cards out, scramble to write your column. It is clearly the way of the future. Take heed you sinners. Recently the New York […]

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Replacement Matt: Notes for New Mets Owner Steve Cohen and Bobby Bonilla

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WEST BROOKLYN, NJ – Yes kids, Santa has come early this year and granted all the good little Mets boys and girls wishes… The Wilpons are selling their stake in the team to the man who will be the wealthiest owner in all sports. No more penny-pinching and dumpster-diving. No more being just good enough […]

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Replacement Matt, aka The Dude, Emerges From Tank. Nothing Changed for Knicks, Mets, Giants, Rangers

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WEST BROOKLYN, NJ – Yes, I’m back. Many apologies to my fellow writers for not adding my standard barbs to your posts but The Dude was deep in the work weeds in Chicago. I got see people set on fire professionally and watched my friend almost get roofied by prostitutes in the hotel bar (deep […]

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Replacement Matt : Recipe of the Week

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SUBURBIA, NJ – Happy All Saints Day to my faithful fans. Today I’m here to share my recipe for the perfect hangover special, it must have cheese and egg… Okay, I kid I kid. Instead, I’m here to talk about recipes for success in sports and how my teams refuse to ever read the manual […]

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Replacement Matt Friday: Hey Knicks, Mets… Want to Change the Narrative? Then Act Like it

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WEST BROOKLYN, NJ – This week I’ve decided to pay respects for another Gotham institution gone way too soon… wait that was Angry Ward earlier this week. No, I’m here to pen an open letter to the Management of two of my favorite teams, the Mets and Knicks. You want to change the narrative about […]

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Replacement Matt Friday: Be Bold Brodie, The Breadman Commeth. Sports Pr!cks

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WEST BROOKLYN, NJ – Good morning! Hope everyone is enjoying the Chinese Hoax of temps in the Dubai range to the Pacific Northwest in a matter of minutes. Well, the MLB regular season is over and the New York Metropolitans are now in search of a new manager, after wisely dumping the-in-way-over-his-head Mickey Callaway.   […]

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Replacement Matt Friday: Scoreboard Watching, Danny Dimes, Future of Mets

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EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ – As the Major League Baseball season comes to its final days, the New York Mets continue to tease their fan base – that maybe they have more than a pulse. To do so a miracle of miracles must occur: They pretty much have to win out the rest of the season […]

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Replacement Matt Friday: Sh*tty Start To NFL Season, Mets Fans Stages of Met Grief

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EYE OF HURRICANE, ATLANTIC OCEAN – Hey Kids! Ya miss me? I’m back with another edition of stuff for my massive fanbase and readership. It’s getting so huge I think I’m on the verge of being an influencer and will have companies hurling tons of free sh– my way. Time for the endorsement train to […]

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