ANGRY WARD WEDNESDAY: BEANES, PITTS, AND MONEYBALL

Beane Counter

NEW YORK, NY – The highly-anticipated film adaptation of Michael Lewis’s bestseller Moneyball hits theaters this Friday and already it’s generating some Oscar buzz. To be fair, there have been some “bust” whispers as well.  While we’re not here to predict the eventual fortunes of this film, there are definitely some elements associated with it worth discussing. Let’s get right to it.

A’s Hole. Does Moneyball really warrant a movie? Sure it’s a catchy title, and sold a ton of books, but what exactly have the Athletics done since Billy Beane took over as GM? They have had a couple of surprising finishes in light of their scrimping sabermetric approach to players and salaries, but they’ve also yet to make it to the World Series and currently find themselves 19 games out in the AL West, a Seattle Mariners 17-game losing streak the only thing keeping them from the cellar. Not exactly the stuff of Hollywood endings. Speaking of Beane…

Curious Casting. Everyone knows that one of the keys to getting a film made in tinseltown is having a big name star attached but, Brad Pitt as Billy Beane? C’mon. We think a Kelly Leak-era Jackie Earle Haley seems more like it. Better yet, can Steve Nash act?

Leakalike

Call Him Mr. Pittiful. What the deuce is Brad Pitt thinking doing these sensationalistic interviews about his long defunct marriage to Jennifer Aniston just days before this movie gets released? Has it really come to this, Brad? Was Benjamin Button that much of a career crusher that you need to resort to these types of transparent tactics to hype your film? Look, if your first marriage sucked, so be it. If you love your life as Angelina Jolie’sgolden retriever, that’s a-okay too. But this is a baseball movie, not some melodrama, that you’re plugging. Save it, pal.

Jonah (mountain into mole) Hill

Oh Jonah He Lived in a Whale. If you’re a fan of fat funnymen (and who isn’t), then this may be your last chance to see Jonah Hill at his preferred Superbad/Forgetting Sarah Marshall fighting weight. From all accounts, the guy has lost a ton. I never quite understood the concept of successful corpulent comedians wanting to lose weight. Sure there are the health benefits, but they always seem to come back just a little less funny. You need look no further than the likes of Jack Black, Drew Carey, and Ricky Gervais. It just doesn’t work. Let this stand as a warning to all MTM staff, winter is just around the corner, it’s time to pack on the pounds and ratchet up the laughs.

Jose Canseco video on hold till tomorrow. MTM Edit Staff woozy.

And Howe. Philip Seymour Hoffman is playing Art Howe in the movie. Not sure why, but this cracks me up. One can only hope that he chose to portray the former A’s and Mets skipper as a hybrid of his characters from Boogie Nights and Along Came Polly.That being said, if the producers wanted to make it as realistic as possible, they simply should have used a cardboard cut-out of Art Howe to play Art Howe.

That’s all for today. Lori Levine, who plenty would pay money to ball, is back tomorrow.

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About Angry Ward 649 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.