GROTE’S GRIPES: 2011 FALL LINEUP

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The new fall lineup is just about to start so I figured I would clue our readers in on the new prime time shows on network TV.  As was the case last fall, there are a ton of new sports related shows set to premiere this year.  Here is a quick synopsis.

2 Broke Girls – Now that both are out of football, wide receiver divas Terrell Owens and Randy Moss must take waitresses jobs at the same eatery to support their posse.  Old habits die hard as evidenced by Randy’s refusal to work any tables over the middle of the restaurant and Terrell’s constant complaints that he never gets the big tippers sent his way.

Terra Nova – On his way back to the minors, Yankee rookie pitcher Ivan Nova’s bus encounters an electrical storm and he winds up in prehistoric baseball times (pre 1900’s) where he plays against 19th century racist hillbillies.  Stephen Speilberg produces.

The Playboy Club – Hugh Hefner decides to buy the Senior PGA Tour and ups the ratings by requiring the golfing geezers to use playmates as caddies.  The censors go crazy as the bunnies wash the golfer’s balls on live TV.

Fore. The Scores Go Up As The Bunnies Get Down.

Man Up – Brett Favre hosts this game show where famous athletes annonomously send pictures of their manhood to contestants who then have to guess whose junk it is.  Think of it as What’s My Line for the MTV generation.

H8R – Angry Ward hosts a sports talk show where he interviews only sports personalities he hates.  Roger Clemens and Sean Avery are his first guests.

I Hate My Teenage Daughter – Andy Pettitte deals with life after baseball in a small Texas town where his daughter is the high school slut.

Charlie’s Angels – Charile Sheen buys the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and provides them with enough drugs to make a run at the pennant – until the whole team is suspended for failing urine tests on the eve of the playoffs.  No fear as his boys from Major League come to the rescue.  Winning.

How To Be A Gentleman – On the insistence of the Rooney family, Project Runway’s effeminate host Tim Gunn takes Ben Roethlisberger under his wing and tries to teach him how to be a civil human being.  Gunn sees he has his work cut out for him after week 1 when Ben sexually assaults the bathroom matron and the coat check girl at the restaurant where they are filming.

Person of Interest – This series focuses on the likely suspects who abducted Jason Bay and replaced him with a very pale Mario MendozaHank Steinbrenner is the first person of interest to be interviewed.

Beware The Secret Circle

The Secret Circle – Another reality show where the on-deck circle at Yankee Stadium is turned into a place where secrects are revealed to awaiting batters.  You can only guess how Derek Jeter’s at bat goes after he finds out David Ortiz has been sleeping with his ex Minka Kelly for the past two seasons.  Ay Papi.

Pan Am – Chronicles the charter flights of the 1986 Mets.  Rafael Santana and Ed Hearn pilot most flights to make extra money while Lenny Dykstra initiates scores of groupies into the mile high club.  Sex, Drugs and slow roller that gets by Buckner.

Angry Ward takes a break from shooting H8R long enough to pen a column tomorrow.

P.s… On Twitter, I’m @Grote2DMax.

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