The King’s Cup Runneth Over

MIAMI, FL Hey gang, it’s me Larry King back with you again on Meet The Matts at the request of my good friend Grote2DMax. It seems Grote decided to spend last night drinking a bit too much Chianti at the Feast of San Gennaro. If you are ever down by Little Italy don’t forget to stop by Piemonte on Grand Street for some fabulous homemade pasta. Tell Rocco behind the counter that Larry sent you. Anyway, here’s what I have for you kids today:

The nations of the world have finally found a way to discriminate against the United States, and I for one am appalled.  The world has decided to designate World Cups only in sports that vast majority of U.S. citizens don’t care about. To make matters worse they have chosen sports that the U.S. is not very good at either, so we have no real chance of winning.  The three major World Cups are in Soccer, Rugby and Cricket.  In my book these are A-cup sports at best.  Football, Basketball and Baseball those are the Double-Dcups baby…

Tindall is which?

Speaking of Rugby players, last week England’s team captian Mike Tindall was accused of groping a woman at a dwarf-tossing contest.  Tindall recently married into the royal family (click that) when he wed Queen Elizabeth’s granddaughter Zara Phillips.  To be honest, I think he was just trying to fit in with the new family seeing how Queen Elizabeth’s husband Prince Philip was once arrested for groping a dwarf at a woman-tossing contest… Rugby, dwarfs and groping women sounds like the great late night line-up on Versus.  Check your local cable network.

Groping & Whipping Commoners Since The 15th Century

I think these replay rules have gone too far.  The United States Supreme Court decided to use one of it’s two challenges against Texas.   Now the execution of death-row inmate Duane Buck is under review.  If the ruling is upheld Texas will not be charged with a timeout…My buddy Al Davis is right:  The mainstream media has it out for his Oakland Raiders.  When the news broke last week about Sebastian Janikowski being charged with assaulting a woman in Walnut Creek, CA, there was no mention that he was arrested for kicking her a record-tying 63 yards…Some exciting news for us older folks from the world of collegiate sports.  Phyllis Reffo, a 49 year-old former model, walked on to the Pepperdine University woman’s swim team.  My question is how do you walk on to a swim team?  Seems like you should have to swim your way on… Glad to hear my good friend Meryl Streep will be one of the Kennedy Center honorees this year. She is one of a kind, the good kind…What is the big deal about Mariano Rivera getting 600 saves for his career?  Martin Brodeur has over 25,000 more saves than him and no one is ready to throw him a parade…

Kicked Her Right Between The Uprights

I for one was not surprised to read that Eddie Murphy was recently named as a sexual partner by transgender author Toni Newman.  The last time I saw Eddie was at the X-Men premiere party where he told me the only reason he showed up was he thought it was going to be a party filled with ex-men.

Stay tuned tomorrow for someone who is all man, Angry Ward.

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About The Matts 375 Articles started out as a NY Mets website and organically grew into an entity covering all professional sports. Our daily contributors, as diverse as they may be, share two important traits: -They toil for the "love of the game..." -They have a sense of humor. This is, after all, sports entertainment.