GROTE’S GRIPES: From Mickey Naples to Elvis, Not Your Typical WORLD SERIES Preview

ARLINGTON, TX – The 2011 World Series begins tomorrow with the scrappy St. Louis Cardinals facing the gutty Texas Rangers.  A Rangers victory will leave the once mighty Cowboys as the franchise with the longest drought among the four major sporting teams in Dallas. Anytime the Cowboys are the worst, is okay in my book. A Cardinals victory will make some lucky folks a ton of cash because on September 10th, St. Louis was 100:1 odds to win the 2011 World Series. A drunken $100 bet on the first day of the football season may end up winning someone $10,000.

Here are Grote’s Match-Ups for the 2011 World Series, by position with the Ranger player first:

Trash Always Seems To Pile Up Around Napoli

Catcher: Mike Napoli vs. Yadier Molina – This is the 18th straight year a Molina is catching in the World Series.  Napoli, aka Mikey Naples, gives the dago, wop,  guineas from the Jersey Shore a reason to root for the Rangers.  Edge Rangers.

First base: Michael Young vs. Albert PujolsGeorge W. Bush is leading the good people of Texas in an old-fashioned fence building to keep Pujols out.  It’s just crazy enough to work.  Edge Cardinals.

Second base: Ian Kinsler vs. Ryan Theriot – Kinsler sounds like a pompous Englishman while Theriot sounds like a snooty Frenchman.  Edge Even.

Shortstop: Elvis Andrus vs. Rafael Furcal – The youngster Andrus is named after Elvis Grbac while Rafael Furcal is older than Elvis Grbac.  Edge Rangers. 

Third base: Adrian Beltre vs. David Freese – Two Batman super villains are pitted against one another here with Mr. Freese hoping to avoid the Freeze Collar this series while Two-Face Beltre hopes to continue to play well for the Rangers after sucking for years as a MarinerEdge Rangers.

Call Me The Freeze

Left field: David Murphy vs. Matt HollidayMurphy’s Law states that there is no such thing as a Matt Holliday, rather all the MtM writers have to deal with Short Matt’s insanity 24/7/365.  Edge Rangers.

Center field: Josh Hamilton vs. Jon Jay – If my notes from 8th grade history are correct Hamilton gets shot dead by Aaron Burr in a duel while Supreme Court Chief Justice Jon Jay upholds the ruling on the field.  Edge Rangers.

Right field: Nelson Cruz vs. Lance Berkman – With first names like Nelson and Lance these guys are both losers.  Edge Even.

Starting rotation: C.J. Wilson, Colby Lewis, Matt Harrison, Derek Holland vs. Chris Carpenter, Jaime Garcia, Edwin Jackson, Kyle Lohse –  The Rangers rotation of Wilson, Lewis, Harrison and Holland sound like members of an insufferable foursome at Oakmont Country ClubJuan Epstein’s kid cousin, Jaime Garcia, looks to do Cookie proud this series.  Edge Cardinals.

Bullpen/Closer: Neftali Feliz vs. Jason Motte – Feliz’s mom was playing scrabble when she went into labor so she decided to name him after the seven tiles laying on her holder at the time. Only later did she realize that she could have rearranged the tiles to spell I N F L A T E using all of her letters and getting 50 extra points in the process. She still holds that against Neftali to this day.  Edge Rangers.

Manager: Tony LaRussa vs. Ron Washington – There hasn’t been this big of a managerial mismatch since Jerry Manuel matched wits against Corky from Life Goes On during a celebrity Softball Game.  Of course Corky’s team, Down’s By Law, crushed Manual’s team, Jerry’s Kids.  The game was stopped after four innings due to the mercy rule. Edge Cardinals.

Grote’s pick: Just like 1994, the Rangers will win in seven.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a match-up nightmare, Angry Ward, who as a Mariner fan, is angry with Beltre.

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