The Place Where Christmas Comes – Oh, you goyem and your Christmas. I love it. Well, actually I’m half goy myself – a bunch of German Luterhan rednecks on my father’s side – but I got an official 8th day shmeckle whacking and a couple of un-cashed Bar Mitzvah checks to my name, so I guess that makes me more Yid than gentile. Plus, you know, I’m a heathen atheist. So for me then, Christmas is mostly the day when all the stores are closed. It used to be the day when I got Chinese and saw a movie, but that was clearly too good a way to spend a winter holiday, so y’all just totally coopted that one from us. I haven’t tried in over a decade, it’s a god damn madhouse out there by early afternoon.
Despite all the meaninglessness and craziness, I do like me the Christmas, regardless. There’s all kinds a pretty lights everywhere, most people are in a festive mood, the drinks flow and the feasting comes easy. Plus, as an atheist Jew, and a fairly anti-consumerist one at that, I don’t gotta buy none a y’all nothin’. Ain’t expecting nothing back either. The occasional Christmas card ends up on the fridge, that’s about my commitment to any of it. A low stress affair with days off work. Good stuff.
And this year it gets even better. Because instead of the Yule Log and perhaps a Barney Miller marathon, Christmas Eve Day I’m gettin’ me some honest to goodness NFL action on the boob tube. Not only that, but there’s even something beyond the usual Jets and Giants fare on NYC TV because those two are playing each other. Fantastic. No offense to you G/J fans, but quite frankly, no one else gives a rat’s ass about your teams at this point. They stink. And to be honest, I’m all out of Rex Ryan jokes, so really, what’s the point?
So today, I’m just gonna kick back, eat some nuts, sip on a beer, and watch over-sized, plastic armored men pound the crud out of each other. Maybe make some coin along the way if the fates cooperate. Sounds like a damn good holiday to me.
And Christmas Day itself? Well I suppose I could do the Channukkah thing. (Does that spelling work? I just doubled up a bunch of the letters). Anway, there’s always candles and laktes, maybe spin a little dredle. But then again, I might just use it as a chance to beat the traffic and head back to Baltimore. On the way I can stop off in Delaware and play some poker. And if I make it back early, might still catch some of that Barney Miller marathon.
After all, nothing really says Christmas like Jack Soo and Ron Glass.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
*Marty included this link and the MTM IT Dept felt compelled to insert it here: