ST. LOUIS, MO – Get ready everybody, NEW YEARS is just around the corner. When thinking about New Year’s all I can think about is BOOZE and lots of it. Every sports bar has its own twist on all the classical drinks. So in order to prepare you for all your libation options, I have compiled as list of the most decadent.
Carolina Hurricane: A Carolina Hurricane is a championship drink. It can take you all the way to glory and win the cup you drink it out of. The only problem is that none of your friends are there to watch.
Miami Hurricane: A Miami Hurricane is the same as a Carolina Hurricane except you have to bribe the bartender into giving you someone else’s drink.
Metropolitan: It’s sweet, it’s smooth. When you are drinking it you feel great but somehow it never manages to finish the way it started. Usually, you will ask for another thinking it will be better the next time.
Darryl Strawberry Daiquiri: This isn’t your little sister’s high school wine cooler. It comes in a cocaine rimmed glass.
White Lighning: Now this is the real deal moonshine whisky made in the dirty south. Drink at your own risk. If you are in San Diego the Chargers have been making some too but isn’t as good. In fact that may be the reason why Philip Rivers has gone blind this year.
Absolut Shaq on the blocks: Also known as Absolute Diesel, Absolute Shaqtus, and Absolute Superman.
Johnny Welker: when you need something dependable this is it. Usually I take whiskey in a hardball glass but this should be drank from a Tom Brandy glass.
Ben Gordon’s Gin: It’s cheap and dirty but it gets the job done wherever you find it.
Antonio Margarita. You won’t forget that you drank these the next day. They will leave your head pounding
Luke McCown’s Scotch: It’s been on the bench for 7 years. Maybe it will be worth drinking in 5 more… but I doubt it.
Daisuke MatsuSake: I’m not much of sake guy. It usually leaves me disappointed. It’s hot at first, but it cools down really, really fast and it’s way too expensive.
Other things to watch out for at the bar:
Blue Devils: Don’t take ‘em. The virility isn’t worth it. A few of these and you will be hanging out with your sister down Tobacco Road. No one wants to come find you all Tarheeled in the middle of Wake Forrest.
Just remember this is New Year’s, not the high school prom (if it was Roethlisberger would be my wing man). You don’t need to be a Trailblazer. Pacers yourself. If you are getting to the point that you feel like John Daly then call a friend, don’t crank up those Pistons.