NEW ORLEANS, LA – Ah, March… In like a lion and out like a lambasting ex-wife after some alimony. March isn’t quite spring and it isn’t quite winter. Quite simply March is purgatory. Baseball hasn’t started and the NHL and NBA playoffs don’t start until April or May or June… or maybe they never will – damn Mayans. Due to the leap day March can’t even claim the United States win over Italy. It would figure that the U.S. Soccer team would get a signature win on a leap day. Now they aren’t due for another signature win for at least four more.
There is only one shining star in the sports world that can get us through… The NCAA Basketball Tournament. So since the bracket isn’t set I am going to run down a few teams that I think will make deep runs in the tournament.
The Clockwork Orangemen: Although they have had trouble scoring the Boeheim zone just keeps stymieing teams. They have 8 guys that can score twenty on any night. My guess is that this group will be giving teams the old in out until at least the round of 8.
Vanderbilt Commodores: no analysis here. Vandy girls are the hottest, richest, and have the sexiest accent in the country. If girls can pick their bracket based on jersey color, then I can choose my bracket based on how hot the girls are. Does Florida Atlantic have a team?
Spartycus: He doesn’t look nearly as good as Kirk Russell, but Tom Izzo could make the Sweet 16 with two midgets, two manikins, and a parakeet. This year he won’t be in the 300 role, however. His Michigan State team is talented and I predict a deep run.
Walkin’ in Memphis: These goons give the Charlestown Chiefs a run for their money. When Calipari left, the Tigers wanted to recruit the Memphis area more heavily. So far no one has been kicked off the team for any criminal action. Then again all of the witnesses have died from a case of lead poisoning.
Tony the Mizzou Tigers: My Tigers have been disappointing me for my entire life. It’s about time they get to their first Final 4. They need to in order to atone for the following video failures. Enjoy the self deprecation.
Anyone but Kansas: A quote from one of my professors at MU, “It’s not so much that I hate Kansas as state. I hate them all as individuals.” Those lying cheating beakers will be out of the tournament so fast that Bill self will forget his hairpiece on the court. They will pull a traditional early round exit to a team like VCU, Bradley, Bucknell, Rhode Island, Northern Iowa just to name a few. Yes I am bitter.
Hail Saint Mary’s: Five white guys that can rain 3’s. One team like this makes it deep every year. This year the victim is Ohio State with a bad draw in the round of 32. In fact Ohio State might go out in the first round if they keep shooting with their Eyes Wide Shut
By the way, if you thought the Mizzou video was lame, check out this one. An old man raps at the end:
Stay tuned for Cookies Corner raining knowledge tomorrow.