Angry Ward Wednesday: Penn State, Mike Fransnoozer & Bronx Boinkers

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Kutchy-Ku: Ashton checking his phone.

NEW YORK, NY – Tons of really important sports stories to talk about this week, but I’ll leave the replacement refs, NHL lockout, and Kutcher/Kunis (aka “Kutchy-Ku” ™) lip-lock in Central Park to more dedicated scribes than me. Instead, I intend to focus on some other equally riveting issues. Let’s get to it.

Penn State Wins! Lost in the rest of the college football news of this past weekend was the fact that Penn State notched their first win of the season, beating Navy 34-7 at Beaver Stadium (which is a name they may also want to reconsider). Anyway, as newspapers everywhere scrambled for appropriate headlines, here are a few that didn’t make the cut: Nittany Lions Win One for the GroperPenn State Sends Mishipmen to the ShowersPenn St. Covers, and this Time it’s LegalNavy Torpedoed at Happy Valley, Takes Solace that it has Nothing to Do with Sandusky.

Enter Sandman. For those that missed this story, Mike Francesa fell asleep on the air last week as WFAN Yankee correspondent Sweeny Murti reported on the state of the Bombers. The clip is priceless, but it doesn’t end there.

Rather than admit that it happened and laugh at himself, Mikey went on the air and denied that he was snoozing, despite evidence to the contrary.  He basically blamed tired eyes, a tireless work ethic and even his own kid. As a good friend of mine said, this three minute clip is the perfect capsule of everything that makes him an a-hole.

And finally, Mike gets what he deserves as his listeners have some fun at his expense. Particularly funny is the guy talking about NFL Network and MSG. As you watch these clips, please remember that there’s no Billy Crystal debate about this one Yankees fans, Francesa is all yours.

Love in the afternoon

The House that Ruth Built, Indeed. Hey, speaking of Team Pinstripes, how about those two terribly romantic Yankees fans who participated in a rare naked squeeze play in a bathroom stall under the left field stands this past Saturday? They were outclassed only by those who decided to stick around, cheer them on, and record the event on their phones. It was originally reported that the coital couple went at it for two innings–and two Yankees innings would be pretty damn impressive. But it has since been said that they only lasted for 15 minutes, or basically the length of one Joe Girardi visit to the mound.

Speaking of visiting the mound, what would you call bathroom sex at Yankee Stadium? A Stick Michaels? The Blue Gehrig? Mr. C**ktober Goes Yard? A Piss Chambliss? The Sultan of Tw*t? A Chicken Stanley? Kevin Brown n’ Dirty? The Tommy John? and, of course, The F**ky Dent? Anyway, somewhere that old fornicator Babe Ruth is smiling and probably eating a hot dog or ten.

Come back tomorrow for our own torrid twosome, Cam James and… Cam James.

 

 

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About Angry Ward 649 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.