Grote’s Gripes: Mano A Mano Sports

A quick note about today’s anniversary…  September 11, 2001 was a Tuesday morning much like today.  Most of us in the New York area lost at least one person we knew. Many of us lost multiple people.  We still have memories of our friends who were murdered that day and those memories will be something we share for the rest of our lives. Sports and Comedy can be two terrific distractions for many of us, so it is in that vein we will continue on with our regular mayhem here.

“Jet fans warm up for MMA fights by sucker-punching women…”

NEW YORK, NY –  As a few of the writers have mentioned, this is the best time of year for a sports fan. We have the beginning of NCAA College  Football and the NFL season, the pennant races in MLB and golf’s Ryder Cup at month’s end. But what sometimes gets lost in the mix is tennis’ U.S. Open.

King of Scots

Last night’s men’s final was an epic match between Serbian Novak Djokovic and Scotland’s Andy Murray.   It was two men giving it everything they had for just under five hours on the court in Flushing.  Murray became the first man from the British Isles to win a major tennis championship since Fred Perry in 1936. Well done, ‘ol chap.  And we can’t forget Serena Williams with her fourth U.S. Open title and 15th major title overall this past weekend as well.

The one thing that tennis has over the other aforementioned sports is that it is one of the few true one-on-one sports.  Most sports are team competitions.  The majority of single player sports – like golf and skiing – are against a field of competitors or a clock… or both.  But with tennis, I’m talking mano-a-mano action.  Here’s a list of these kinds of Mano A Mano Sports:

Tennis: These guys and gals have to be both mentally tough and physically fit to flourish in this sport.  Plus, what’s not to like about women’s tennis?  Mostly played by scantily clad Eastern European smoke-shows who grunt their way through the matches.

Billiards: Grossly overweight and still want to be an athlete?  You don’t have to be an offensive lineman, you can become a professional pool player.  In fact, one the the best to ever play billiards was known as Minnesota Fats.  So, tell Mayor Bloomberg to take a hike and order that Double Down from KFC and wash it down with a Big Gulp.  You’re in training now.

The Breakfast Of Billiard Champions

Boxing: Put two guys in a ring and have them beat the crap out of each other.  If prostitution is the world’s oldest profession, boxing has to be the world’s oldest sport.  It is called the “sweet science” because there is a tactical aspect to the sport as well.  One of the few sports where you put your life on the line every time you compete and certainly leave the ring a little dumber than when you entered.  Short Matt must’ve been a boxer.

MMA: Boxing’s illegitimate offspring was developed and cultivated for people who thought boxing was too highbrow.  If your three favorite NY teams are the Jets, Yankees and Knicks, this sport is probably for you.  Obviously, if you are a fan of any professional Philadelphia sports team, this is your sport.  Jet fans warm up for MMA fights by sucker-punching women as evidenced by the clip below.

Yo When Is The Next MMA Fight?

Bowling: That’s right, I said bowling.  You have a problem with that?  This sport has everything you could ask for: spares, strikes, splits, turkeys and best of all… a gutter (usually inhabited by the aforementioned Jet fans).  Plus, some great movies like Kingpin and The Big Lebowski have centered around bowling.  It doesn’t get any better (or lazier) than that.  I think The Matts are trying to go for the MTM turkey soon, three columns that strike out in one day.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a real turkey, Angry Ward.


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About The Matts 376 Articles started out as a NY Mets website and organically grew into an entity covering all professional sports. Our daily contributors, as diverse as they may be, share two important traits: -They toil for the "love of the game..." -They have a sense of humor. This is, after all, sports entertainment.