DOWN IN THE DUMPS USA – For only those of you in Mattville, I will come off of the on-going Cardinals Pity Party Bender I’ve been on since Sunday. The sole purpose is to let you know that I am alive, which is pretty much the only word I can use to describe myself at this [unfortunate] juncture. See, for years and years I rejected the thought that I… as a man… have feelings.
For years feelings were merely symptoms of illness; as in not feeling well or feeling like vomit was inevitable. Right now I don’t feel well and I want to vomit. But I can’t muster the strength because I have feelings. I feel somewhat like I imagine this guy feels like.
This overwhelming dejection and malaise has left contemplating whether I can carry on as a sports fan. As all of you know, it’s a huge investment. Last night a baseball game was played – by the Giants at least – and I didn’t care! That’s a first. This is coming from someone that has religiously watched every World Series since I was old enough to curse Andy Van Slyke. But last night’s game? It merely served as a dim, yet ominous reminder of all my current and past failures – including writing this post. This piece only took me 15 minutes to write which means that it too is a dark reminder that there is nothing left to watch, cheer or live for… now that the greatest franchise in sports is done playing for the year.
“But Cam,” you ask, “What about football?!” The Rams… well, they are the Rams… Mizzou Football… they knew they were going to take it in the keester when they went to the SEC. The Blues… next year. The National Boner Association can just shove it.
See? I have nothing of substance in my life until spring training. How will I make it until March? By watching lots and lots of videos like this.
I don’t want to bore you any further, so I am going to exercise my new found soft side and go shopping for a duvet cover for my new Quarter Life Crisis apartment in Chelsea… just signed for it last night. I’m hoping I can find one that matches my eyes.
Hopefully, by next week I will revert back to my normal drunken babbling. Until then I need a good cry… and around 2-3 of you to help me move!!!