College Football: Red States vs Blue States; Politics As Usual

The following to be read with a Northerner’s bad replica of a southern accent – because that’s what author Dr. Diz has.

FORT WORTH, TXOne fish two fish…red fish, blue fish… Well, well, well. We had our selves a little Eee-lection this here past week, with the O-man playin’ some stout D in them thar “battleground” mid-western states to protect his lead and win another four years.

But we have some more than the Electoral College to worry about – like who wins the National Championship of college pigskin? And lookie here, we have four contenders: from two Red States and from two Blue States.

College Football Championship is split between Red & Blue!

Representing Red Ballers, those conservative, bible thumpin’, Chevy drivin’, nuclear family lovin’ Red State folks is the #`1 team, Alabama, aka The Crimson Tide. Bama’s so dad-gummed Republican they even use an elephant as their mascot. They got a bunch of black guys on the team playing before a crowd that’s whiter than an NYPD union meeting, who are convinced that the South will rise agin’ to throw over the oppressors who won the War of Northern aggression. Take that you minority voters.

The Tide almost, and shoulda, lost to rival Ellis Ewe last week…be innerestin’ to see how they can handle a hot Texas A&M team this coming week.

Representing the more structured, cautious, traditional sphere of the Republican… uh, Red States – where stout corn bred farmers promote sensible policies and always say hello to ya – is Kansas. Home of Eisenhower, Bob Dole and to the number two Kansas State Wildcats.

Traditional. Measured. Tough. Not flashy. Yep…that’s the Wildcat’s… The Cats have been like the weather in Kansas – tough, tough, tough – and are a reflection of their coach Bill Snyder, one of the all time greats. Snyder’s idea of a full conversation is ‘yep…uh huh”. They’ll travel down here to Fort Worth to play a spunky TCU team, and yours truly will be in attendance.

Numbers three and four are from the Blue States.

At #3, and representing the Blue Ballers,  is Notre Dame, icon to subway Irish in NYC and Chicago, hailing from hard up steel mill country in Northern Indiana.

These guys are everything Bammie is not…they represent the Catholic, union, blue-collar jablonks; the workin’ stiffs in the big metro areas and mill towns across the upper Midwest and, to some extent, back east. Touchdown Jesus has smiled upon these Blue Ballers this year as the Domers have won a bunch of close ones on the back of a defense that should put five or more players into the NFL.

Here’s yer union card kid, go vote early and often. Go Irish. And I will have another beer, thank you.

Finally, at #4, you have the epitome of the limousine liberal set of chardonnay-drinking techno geeks who want to save the gay baby whales. Oregon.

Land of micro brew, Pinot Noir, chi-chi designer coffee, salmon and kind bud. Really good kind bud. (Ask me not of where I know these things).

The Ducks have a mascot designed by Disney and are pretty cool to look at when you’re high and the team scores a bazillion points a game with their crazy playground offense.

Did I mention they are really cool to watch when your high? Really cool. Hmmm… I’m hungry.

They don’t play much defense – defense is such a buzz kill. They have uniforms that look like the second coming of an LSD flashback…and they have smoking hot cheerleaders.

Who probably get high.

So who wins out and gets to be Numero UnoRed Fish or Blue Fish? We shall see.

Now for some Can’t Miss College Picks:

The Aggies of Texas A&M storm into Tuscaloosa with the entire corp of cadets. Whup…Aggie…Gig em. Prediction is A&M 27 Bammie 24, and the Aggies faithful will be chowing down on some Dreamland BBQ ribs and celebratory buckets of beer post game.

#13 Oregon State plays #16 Stanford in a Pac 10 contest… Beaver prevails 34 to 30, setting up a year-end showdown with the Ducks in the Oregon Civil War.

It’s Catholic-bashing’ time, as Notre Dame takes on the choir boys at BC…sorry BC, but you’ll be doing your penance this year, (bless me father for I have sinned, the last time I had a decent O-line was many years ago)…ND 31, BC 3.

TCU should make it close… Can they upset #2 Kansas State? Yep…Froggies 30 K State 29. The Doctor will be tailgating at Anon Carter Stadium this Saturday watching the Froggies take on Coach Peterson’s Alma Mata for the early evening featured game. Go Frogs.

See ya at the game.

Cheesy Bruin tomorrow.

Share Button
About Dr. Diz 50 Articles
Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker's Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.