NEW YORK, NY – The New York Jets self proclaimed biggest fan, Ed Anzalone, took to the media yesterday to declare his days of leading Jet chants at the games were O-V-E-R. Fireman Ed never made it to the third quarter of the Thanksgiving Thrashing the Patriots laid on his J-E-T-S. He claimed he left at halftime for the second time in a row because he couldn’t take all the negative attacks his fellow fans bestowed upon him for wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey this year. Jet fans turning ugly during a night game? Who could have predicted that? Child services should be called every time a child under 12 is allowed to attend Jet game. Michael Vick’s dog fights attract a more civilized crowd than most Jet games. I say this knowing and respecting a number of Jet fans, but as a whole the bunch is just not very pleasant to be around. For many, there is no Replacing Fireman Ed…
I personally never was a fan of Fireman Ed. He always seemed to think of himself as more important than everyone else attending the game. Fans who get notoriety for being fans are usually insufferable people to begin with or turn into asses after they get some notoriety. I’m not sure where he lies but he certainly has been insufferable in every interview I’ve ever seen with him.
Now that I have pissed all of you Jet fans off, I offer an olive branch. I will save your beloved chant by giving you a few candidates to take Fireman Ed’s place at the games to lead the J-E-T-S chant.
Psy – What the Jets really need is a guy who can add a little Gangnam Style in order to take this J-E-T-S thing to the next level. Imagine 80,000 drunken idiots doing a creative dance along with their cute little chant? Gang Green Style could be his big follow up hit. He could also perform a stadium wedding for 20,000 couples at halftime in honor of his fellow countryman Reverend Sun Myung Moon of the Unification Church.
Billy Crystal – Yankee fans don’t want him. Met fans don’t want him. The Jet organization has been a joke for the past 25 years so you might as well have a washed up comedian take over. Think of the possible spins he can put on the chant, like a Sammy Davis Jr. style “J-E-T-S, and I mean that, man” done in blackface. Plus, he’s got enough chutzpah to stand up to the meanies who drove Ed away.
Dancing Larry – The Rangers are locked out, so maybe Dancing Larry can take his numerous talents across the Hudson River for the final month of the season. Everyone thinks Larry is just a one dimensional dancer but they are wrong. Dead wrong. He’s been practicing chants in his mother’s basement for 15 years now and she feels he is ready for the big stage. Hey Jet fans, Strike It Up.
Stay tuned tomorrow for the ultimate song and dance man, Angry Ward.