Grote’s Gripes: NFL Ties Like Kissing Your Sister? Overtime Rules In Sports

“Basically, it is like the teenager who brags about getting laid multiple times only to find out later that he was getting laid in a whorehouse.”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – On Sunday, the Rams and 49ers played to the NFL’s first tie in 4 years.  The NFL is the only major sport in the U.S. to still allow ties. Just as Donovan McNabb admitted four years earlier, many players on both sides failed to realize that the game could end in a tie.  The famous description “a tie is like kissing your sister,” really showcases why there should be ties. Nobody except James Haven, who famously made out with his sister Angelina Jolie at The Oscars, likes NFL Ties and/or kissing their sister.

Proof That A Tie Isn’t So Bad

If both sides stink it up like the Rams and Niners did on Sunday, then they deserve to have the Scarlett Letter “T attached to their records this year.  If anyone tuned into the overtime period they would understand that neither team deserved to win the game.  Sometimes it is best not to have a winner, especially if nobody deserves to win.  That is the problem with our society, everyone wants to be able to award a winner when sometimes everyone involved is just a loser.  A tie on your record makes you a loser.

With that, let’s take a look at the Overtime Rules In Sports and decide whether they are better than just hanging a tie onto the teams involved.

NFL: I love that the NFL still has ties.  Each team has one extra quarter to decide the winner of a tight game.  If they can’t get it done in that extra quarter each team is branded with a tie and will be forever made fun of.   I think the NFL got it right when they gave each team a chance to posses the ball at least once unless the other side scores a TD.  The new overtime rules will lead to more ties which will be even better because there will be more teams besides the Rams to make fun of.

NCAA Football: No doubt the format of each team getting the ball on the 25-yard line is exciting, but my biggest issue is that the stats in overtime actually count towards season totals. The RB who turns a 2-TD game into a 5-TD game with 3 relatively easy OT TD’s can no longer be compared to the players of yesteryear.  The statistics for current Heisman candidates will forever be skewed because of this.  Basically, it is like the teenager who brags about getting laid multiple times only to find out later that he was getting laid in a whorehouse.

A pair of “Twos.”

NHL: The NHL used to be the King of the Ties until they came up with the shootout to decide regular season games.  I’m not a fan of the shootout but as long as they keep the playoffs to endless sudden death periods, I’m okay with it.  The one problem I have is that overtime/shootout games count for 3 points while all others count for 2 (OT/shootout losers get 1 point).  The NHL really needs to go to a 3 point system for all games therefore rewarding teams who actually win the game without gimmicks.  A girl who is a 2 doesn’t become a 3 because you can’t close the deal on time.

A “Three” at the Pond Hockey Tourney

Soccer: There is NO overtime in most professional soccer leagues.  Believe me, no one wants to watch more professional soccer but the World Cup is a disaster with penalty kicks deciding many of the recent champions.  Let these foreigners play until someone scores or someone drops dead or both. Maybe let them use their hands in overtime, that should be good for a goal within an hour.

NBA & NCAA Basketball: Five minutes more seems about right.  In fact, the whole game should just be five minutes long.  Basketball should be like a quickie, none of this stopping and starting just get on with it.

MLB: Extra innings were good enough in the 1800’s and they are good enough now.  No need to mess with this.  Someone is bound to score sooner or later, like the teenager’s friends who save their Burger King paychecks and don’t join him at the whorehouse.

Stay tuned for Angry Ward tomorrow.

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