Lawn Pool, Tornadoes, Golf and Ugly Sports Jackets


FT WORTH, TX – It’s that time of the year that bring a few things to Texas: Thunderstorms, Flash Flooding, Hail, Tornadoes and… Golf.

Yep, it’s time for both the Colonial in Fort Worth and the Byron Nelson over by Dallas.

Every year these two stops on the PGA Tour go back-to-back, allowing the area to see a ton of really good golf over a couple of weekends.

And catch a good buzz while they are at it.

gotta line up that putt...
Gotta line up that putt…

For those of you who have never been to a golf tournament, I can assure you that  it’s as exciting as it looks on TV.  Which means there’s a lot of time to do some drinkin’ and thinkin’.  Kind of like soccer….well, with a lot more thinkin’.

And people watching too.

These two events kind of epitomize the wide range and different types of people who follow the game of golf.  There’s tons of diversity… you have brunettes, red heads and blonds! And folks from all walks of life join in -new money, old money, and the always popular bunch of $30,000-a-year millionaires living on a BMW lease and borrowed time.  A real microcosm of America.

The Colonial is the older of the two, and in fact is one of the oldest continuous tournaments on the tour.  Their club house features a club from every past winner, and pretty much all the greats are there. Fort Worth native Ben Hogan won it five times.  Palmer, Nicklaus, Sneed, Trevino ….the list goes on and on, up through modern times.  About the only big time name that is missing on their wall is a certain fella whose game fell apart when he stopped chasing skirt.

He should have taken a page out of old Sam Sneed’s book…Sam was renowned for  his competitive nature, long drives, and having a girlfriend on every stop of the tour.  Now he’s in the Golf Hall of Fame…proving that sinful living does have it’s rewards at times.

The Colonial is steeped in tradition.

kirk colonial
Butt ugly… but you get a million dollars for winning it.

They even award a jacket… just like The Masters.  It’s a heinous plaid thing (as opposed to the heinous green thing at The Masters).  Something about old time golf brings out the ugliest fashion faux paux’s of WASP’s from the past.

Spent time there a bit this last weekend and didn’t see too much golf, to be honest.  Margarita’s were awesome, however.

Then there’s Dallas and the Nelson.. big money, big laughs, big heels and big store bought cleavage.  It’s bling, bling & ching, ching; even more so than the past few years, when oil was up arount a hunerd bucks a barrel. Every Johnny Two-Times with a grub stake and a drilling bit out in the oil and gas field was making more money than God. Man, they spending it, too!  And Dallas draws them like flies on…uh….honey.

The festivities will toned down a bit this year given the drop in energy prices, but Dallas being Dallas, I expect to see the usual parade of conspicuous consumption and cotton-haired beauties out there this weekend.  As they say: Dallas girls look better standing up than most others do laying down.

Fort Worth's Hogan and Dallas's Nelson...ol' school golf
Ft Worth’s Hogan & Dallas’s Nelson: ol’ school golf

As these things go, however, it is a fine way to spend spring in Texas… in between the tornado sirens.

So we’ll be there this weekend at the Nelson. Next weekend, off to Lone Star Park to watch the ponies and then see if Belmont can be conquered for the first triple crown in a generation on the live screen.

Then more margarita’s.

Well, hit em’ straight, play it through, tell some jokes, and have some brews.  Here’s Billy Joe Shaver with his ode to the women of the Big D:

Friend of a friend of a friend of mine said he knew her well
Said she hung around heaven til she learned too much
Then she headed straight for hell/she went straight to hell
Everything for sale
She walks the walk and talks the talk/hottest thang in town

Till next time…

Come back tomorrow for Different Matt(?). Will the Rangers be alive?

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About Dr. Diz 50 Articles
Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker's Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.