ALBANY, NY – When two members of your starting rotation go AWOL for questionable behavior, you can’t help but curse and murmur expletives like [frogging bunk tile] or a Son of a B!tch or two. But instead of naming Junoir Blaber or Cheesy Bruin as the rightful recipients of the aforementioned rough language on an ill-timed weekend of travel for yours truly, let’s focus on the positives their collective collapse leaves us with! That’s right, these unnamed S.O.B.s got the ol’ creative juices flowing and with the swath of Sons Of Baseball Stars carving out identities in Major League Baseball, let’s try to answer that burning question on all of your minds: Which Son Of a Baseball Player Do You Want?
Vladimir Alvino Guerrero, Jr.: Vlad Deux was born in Montreal, reared in the Dominican Republic and now plays in Toronto. At 20-years-old, he’s an International Man of Mystery History, namely his dad’s Hall of Fame history. So, with a lot of hype and clips of him wearing his padre’s Montreal Expos jersey, the kid finally made his debut in The Show. And a show it was, as fans were giving standing ovations and Draft Kings had all kinds of prop bets to choose from – click this. The result? 1-4 (opposite field 2B) and a team victory. Papa Vlad, who was there, was rightfully giddy over his Kirby-Puckett-with-dreads son.
Fernando Tatis Medina, Jr.: The spawn of a solid, if unspectacular, big leaguer, FT II, has all the makings of a superstar. Unlike the Guerreros, Junior is bigger than Senior. 6’3″ to 5’11”, respectively. Prior to hurting his hamstring, the kid has 6 HRs, 6 SBs and a .300 AVG to start the season for the suddenly interesting Padres. And it was his padre that he gave his first home run ball to, so there’s no Cecil vs Prince Fielder situation going on there. Sure, his glove may not win him any awards, but the kid can rake. Maybe he won’t won’t hit two grand slams in one inning, like papa did off of Chan Ho Park, but hey, nobody in MLB history has done that either. Oh, and Buddy Diaz can explain the “Medina” part of the kid’s name.
Charley Kershaw: Unfortunately, the kid is NOT a southpaw, which as Jesse Orosco proved, can keep you in the bigs until you’re 59-years-old. And maybe he’s a tad young to be touting as the next great Dodger hurler. But Charley Kershaw is a great baseball name and the kid’s old man is pretty [frogging] good… in the regular season. [Ahem] Maybe the Yankees should lock him up now – they may need him by the end of the season at the current rate their [allegedly] juiced-up goon squad keeps falling apart.
Which one would you take?
While you’re chewing on that: the Isles lost a brace in Brooklyn, while the Mets stopped the bleeding a bit behind Matz. And from the When Does This Sh!t Stop Department: Giants draft pick Corey Ballentine got shot, along with teammate, Dwane Simmons, who died. Tragic.
That’s it for now, comment below and come back tomorrow for Beautiful Ben Whitney! ‘MERICA! F YEAH!
