Big Ben Tuesday: Three New York Hockey Players and Their Evil Dopplegangers

Camp Crystal Lake: There is plenty going on in the world of sports, but I’m not in the mood. Let’s do something different. Has anyone noticed a few local hockey players look like movie villains? No? Well, I’ve got three NY area players with evil cinematic dopplegangers for you.

The Candyman can

1. Wayne Simmons/Candyman

The NJ Devils had a promising off-season bringing in PK Subban, getting Taylor Hall back, and drafting Jack Hughes. Power forward Wayne Simmons was brought on late to provide some muscle and complete the puzzle. Well, the season fizzled quickly and now Simmons has been shuffled off to Buffalo.

Wait Buffalo? They were buyers? Come on, they’re not making the playoffs.

Is it me or does Simmons look a bit like The Candyman? Candyman is the 1992 film about a murderer who can be summoned by saying his name five times while facing a mirror. But when he appears, he kills you with a giant hook. Or something.

If I heard that legend, I don’t think I would try it. It seems like an all risk and no reward proposition.

2. Anders Lee/Draco Malfoy

Lee is the Captain of Barry Trotz’s Islanders, so I have to assume he’s a leader. But he looks like the guy on the team who only wants to score and doesn’t play much D. If his line gives up a goal, he looks like the guy who would come back to the bench and say “hey, I’m not sure what you guys were doing, but I had my guy.”

Lee is all Slitherin

He also kinda looks like Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter series. No? 

The Isles added a nice piece on Monday, bringing in Jean Gabriel Pageau from Ottawa. They gave up a lot of draft capital to get him, but they quickly signed him to a six year extension, so he’s no rental. He should help balance out the scoring and take some of the pressure off Lee and the top line. The early word is that Lee will be moved onto a checking line with Vincent Grabbe and Gregory Goyle.

Harry Potter jokes anyone? Anyone?

3. Artemi Panarin/The Leprachaun

The Breadman has been as advertised and then some for the Rangers. He’s on pace to break 100 points for the first time in his career and his signing has pushed the Rangers out of rebuild mode and into “let’s get it” mode. But the car accident injuries to superstud rookie goalie Igor Shesterkin and Pavel Buchnevich may hurt their playoff push. Igor was on fire. Now Alexandar Georgiev and some guy named Hank Lundqvist will have to carry the load while the rookie is out.

But why the hell was Igor driving? Hasn’t the guy been here for like, two months? Which side of the road do they even drive on in Russia? Driving in Brooklyn is a nightmare, couldn’t they get him a driver? Stupid Dolan. Wait, am I kicked out of the Garden now?

Anyway, Artemi is a handsome fellow and I don’t really think he looks like the hideous Leprechaun. But something about that hair flailing out to the side of his helmet is a bit similar. Plus, he’s kind of like the vengeful monster from the movie, taking his anger from being traded by the Blackhawks out on the rest of the league.

He showed off some of that leprechaun magic when he set up Jesper Fast for a tap in goal with a pass through the goalie’s legs the other night. You don’t often see that. His stellar play has kept the Rangers in the hunt and just landed Chris Kreider a pot of gold

This movie was Jennifer Aniston’s debut movie, pre nose-job. Fun fact.

Honorable mentions

Hank Lundqvist/Hans Gruber and Barry Trotz/Dr. Evil.

That’s my time. Come back tomorrow for our super villain, Angry Ward. Follow us on Twitter at @BenWhit8, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

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About Ben Whitney 350 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.