NEW YORK, NY – Having already passed the urine test, yours truly only has residual hallucinogenics coursing through his/her veins. But here are Real Reasons Why The Mets Will Win The World Series:
Too Cheap To Cheat: This is not a reason, granted, but it’s an important component as per the chatter these days. Exhale: There is no way the trophy will be tainted, as the Wilpons are cheaper than free rent. There won’t be any high tech gizmos or spy-types accumulating data. That costs money.
Edwin Diaz: If this deer-in-the-headlights Seattle Sensation can finally adapt to pitching in the pressure-cooker that big market NY is – and only blow HALF the saves he vomited up last year, the Metsies are a different animal. Carlos Beltran The new manager needs to get just a teeny bit more from this bust-so-far back-end bullpen hot shot.
Thor: The strongest pitcher on the the sqaud needs to man-up and pitch well to whomever is donning the tools of ignorance behind the dish. And dare we suggest that Noah Syndergaard cut his hair and focus on being a pitcher and not a super hero? The lost locks certainly didn’t effect Jake deGrom.
Manager Du Jour: I don’t know his name – Rojas? – but he needs be better than Mickey Callaway. Wait, that’s a given. No worries there and coupled with ANYTHING more from Diaz, the Amazins could win 115 games.
The Young Guys: Jeff McNeil, Pete Alonso and J.D. Davis need to prove they are the real deal. The guess here is that they are and will. The Polar Bear will not hit 50+ taters again, nor does he need to. He just needs to hit 30+ and hover around .275 for a full year. Again, yours truly says that will happen.
Health: Any baseball fan knows the pain of losing a stud player to injury. Pain = Pain. Thankfully, the Yankees are dropping like flies. Likely it is karma for their long list of cheaters/hyocrites winning W.S. titles on PEDs (Roger, Stanton, Jason, A-Rod, Leyritz, Sheff, Andy, Hubit Chacockoff). But back to the Mets. The odds are they are due for ONE HEALTHY SEASON. If that happens…
The Mets will win the World Series.
That’s all for now, Hunter S. Thompson’s ghost wants to hang. Come back tomorrow for Cheesy Bruin, a man who hallucinates hourly.
