Replacement Friday: What Is Left?

PANDEMIA, LOCUSTS – One month into lock-down and social and economic oblivion and Ive been tasked to write a sports column. I managed to drum up ideas of how to restart sports leagues in a satirical way last time out and… it seems someone was listening? I suggested playing all baseball in Florida and the powers that be decided Arizona a better choice. The dry heat is probably more bearable come summer months and the Bob or whatever corporate name it has these days does have a retractable roof and AC. Keith will be happy holed up in Scottsdale hitting the links in between broadcasts so I guess thats a good thought. The NHL has yet to move forward on my proposal to play in the Yukon on a pond, but I’m sure that’s coming soon.

Its really getting ridiculous trying to come up with stuff for a sports blog when there ARE NO SPORTS being played! I read The Athletic and I actually saw an article describing the virtues of the Bob and Doug McKenzie classic STRANGE BREW. A whole article, and that is a pay site! Yesterday I hopped on my bike, which I have on a trainer, and turned the TV to ESPN and watched Steven A and Max talk about whether LeBron and the Lakers season could be considered a success despite it ending prematurely. Even notoriously bitch-faced Jay Williams couldn’t keep a straight face. (But seriously his face is the most punchable on television these days – outside of Sean Hannity). There is truly nothing left to talk about.

I’m not going to give air to UFC or Wrestling because I couldn’t give a crap. So there’s nothing for you there…

I went to the supermarket the other day and I felt like I was out hunting and gathering for my family as I ventured several towns over to go the Wegmans, which has enough space in the aisles to avoid getting to close to anyone. Over the PA Joe Jackson’s “Stepping Out came on; pretty much the anti-corona anthem needed for our times. I tightened my mask and loaded my cart. That was the most excitement I had all week. Well, it sure beat constantly refreshing news sites and climbing the walls.

Anyway, I hope they pull of something to bring back sports because I can’t talk about grocery stores for much longer. I think I may go re-watch Strange Brew and follow it up with a screening of Road House. Good luck out there kids. Come back tomorrow for our own Immortan Joe, Short Matt.


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About Replacement Matt 54 Articles
Replacement Matt, aka Aussie Matt & Trevor Herrick, has been the Minnie Minoso of MTM from Day One. He's willingly been hit in the undercarriage by cricket balls, had beer poured on him from the upper deck and been handed the camera to film for Tall and Short Matt on countless occasions. In many ways, he's been too valuable to start. But make no mistake, he'd be the headliner on any other bald guy's sports site!