NEW YORK, NY – I certainly hope that it was a real slam-bang Game 6 of the World Series last night. There was no way in hell that I was going to stay up for it and write about it here (Dodgers won). If this year has taught me anything, it’s that life is too precious and that this site is currently functioning as some sort of installment in the Final Destination horror movie franchise, taking out MTM contributors and their loved ones. We already lost Big Al Sternberg, but this year cancer came calling again on Cheesy Bruin, Replacement Matt’s brain took a hit and, perhaps saddest of all, Junoir Blaber is still living in Buffalo. I’m treating today like therapy. Just gonna talk about whatever comes to mind. Here we go.
If Bill de Blasio blocks the Mets getting sold to Steve Cohen, he might as well pack up the family and move to Mar-a-Lago like the Trumps. If Kushner and Ivanka and company think they are gonna come back and live here, they should check out the billboards in Times Square. And if Bill de Blasio screws the pooch on this Mets sale, he’s officially signing his NYC deportation papers. Hard to hide in plain sight when you’re 9 feet tall.
The Dallas Cowboys suck so bad this year, and this pleases me to no end. They play in a division of absolute football failure and, still, they may be King of the Trash Heap before all is said and done. I thought they would at least handle Washington this past Sunday. Ha! Boy was I ever wrong. If I have to take a loss in my weekly picks pool, a Dallas loss is always worth it. In other news, Jerry Jones doesn’t see a leadership problem with the Cowboys (*Hint* It’s him) and they are starting to sell off pieces like Everson Griffen. They are done, people. And, I can never let a Cowboy comment go without saying this: Zeke is so overrated.
Changing gears, people that trek out to some cold airport to listen to Mike F**kng Pence make a speech, are either the biggest losers in the history of the universe, paid morons, or both. I’d rather watch every single episode of the worst children’s show ever, Caillou, while passing a kidney stone. I’ve seen TV test patterns with more personality than Mike Pence. He’s so un-dynamic he makes Walter Mondale look like Robin Williams.
Whether there are trick or treaters or not, I will be keeping my bases covered this weekend by getting a couple of bags of Snickers and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Sorry if you’ve got peanut allergies, I like what I like. OK, OK, I’ll get some Kit Kats too!
I’m gonna sign off. But, before I do, I want to wish everyone here good health and happiness. Yes, happiness from Angry Ward. Also, Jim Clancy, let us know what you’re eating.
Come back tomorrow for Eagles fan Buddy Diaz, whose Silver Linings Playbook contains “The Philly Special,” “The Miracle at the Meadowlands,” and Carson Wentz sucking for the next 3 to 5 years.
