“OH cruel Fate, when wilt thou weary be? When satisfied with tormenting me? What have I e’er designed, but thou hast crost?” – Bill Shakespeare
SAN DIEGO, CA – Wow! Can you believe it?! The MLB season it’s back and according to Sports Betting Dime the LA Dodgers are the favorite team to win the World Series with odds at +350! Okay, that’s not what this is about. It’s about the Padres making history – more on that below – with their broadcasters stuck in a booth in San Diego, not in Arlington with the team. Damn you, COVID! OH cruel Fate, indeed! Meanwhile, the anti-Mets lobbyists are in an uproar and an ex-Bill gets paid. Thus, the headliners: Cheating Fate Feats: Padres Prayers Answered, Confortonists & OJ’s Revenge?
Padres Prayers Answered
The Walt Disney studios are located about 2 hours’ drive north of San Diego, where this feel-good story is being translated for the big screen. Embellished slightly, written in is a talking alpaca as Joe Musgrove’s pitching coach. You know the script… the life-long Pads fan, whose dad is also a “Friars” fan, throws the ONLY no-hitter in club history after he fails out of Grossmont High in the Bronxville version of San Diego, because of smoking too much weed. He works as javelin catcher before signing with his favorite team, enlists the help of his trusty alpaca Gazoo and makes history. YET, this isn’t the real story here. The real story – the one we should all be talking about – is that his catcher, Victor Caratini, has now caught the last two no-hitters in Major League Baseball. That has never happened before in the history of the game. It’s more improbable than Musgrove’s gem. Dare I say that a backstop catching two consecutive MLB no-nos will never happen again? I do… Fate be damned! And they call catcher’s equipment “the tools of ignorance!” Pfft.
Anti-Mets Confortonists
The New York Mets beat the Miami Marlins 3-2 this week in a tortuously boring game… until the bottom of the 9th. Jeff McNeil – who has stung the ball with no luck out of the gate – tied the game with a solo homer. This had yours truly prepping for another soul-sucking loss. BUT… to the chagrin of the growing faction of the 1986-esque Anti-Mets Lobby (AML), Michael Conforto wisely stole a win by placing his right elbow pad into a would-be strike three, forcing in the winning run. This has a splinter group of the AML, the Confortonists, crying out in the name of injustice. These MLB radicals are [allegedly] fueled & funded by Paul DuyCarlo, a Confortonist Elder who cut his teeth as a TUBA (Touring University at Buffalo Alumni) rugby player. Mr. DeCarlo and his lackeys want the result reversed and the Marlins reinstated as the game’s victors. Here’s my answer: That’s baseball, Pal. Do what you can to win the game. Conforto used his growing MLB IQ (and protective body armor) to cheat fate and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat! The umpires have voted and spoken. Move on. Let’s disperse amicably with no chin music or attempts at revenge.
Speaking of revenge…
OJ’s Revenge?
It was either Stephen Colbert or Angry Ward that initially picked up on this when the court papers were filed. O.J. Simpson sued a Vegas casino after an employee leaked to TMZ that The Juice was squeezed out the door [allegedly] because he “was drunk and became disruptive.” His lawyers sued, saying this “damaged Mr. Simpson’s reputation.” As Colbert or A-Dubya pointed out, there is really no way to damage this guy’s rep any more than he already has. Still, there has been a settlement in the case, so OJ gets some revenge – and cash – as he golfs away his days in his gated – with golf course – community. What a great American sports hero!!!
Speaking of sports heroes, come back tomorrow for Cheesy Bruin and his Over/Under on the odds Simpson lands back in jail.
P.s… I’m a little foggy today, as per the [Woody] Johnson & [Chris] Johnson COVID vaccine shot I got Thursday. Oddly, I now find myself incessantly shopping online for Jets merchandise.
