The Greatest Hockey Player of All Time: Pat Maroon

DENVER, CO – Some players eclipse expectations. Some players rise to occasions. Some players live for exhalations. Some players enjoy libations. One player does all of these things.

Pat Maroon is the greatest hockey player of all time. Period. Does he have 1000 points? Nope. Does he have 500 goals? Nope. Does he have his name on the Stanley cup three years in a row?  You bet your bippie he does.

This is a feat that has only been done 81 times. Pat Maroon, however, is the only player to have done so with one Cup coming as a member of the 2018-19 St. Louis blues.

Pat Maroon has 3x Career PIMs to points. His PIMs are also nearly 10% of all minutes of his ice time.
Pat Maroon conveniently rhymes with goon and yet he is the greatest hockey player of all time.

Pat Maroon is a shade of paint your mom wants to make one wall of the guest bathroom. 

Pat Marooned on a deserted island is where you wish your ex is currently.  If Tampa was in Colorado pat would be as high as Cheech Maroon.  If it wasn’t for the Pat Marooney Rule there would be less black coaches in the nfl…….oh wait that one hasn’t worked out.

I bet Pat Maroon cleans his house with a maroomba.

Why is no one calling him the white marimba like they called Kobe The Black Mamba. Maroon and marimba are a lot closer than Bryant and mamba.

Here’s some marimba. I’m done. Have a weekend.

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About Cam James 128 Articles
Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.