Angry Ward Wednesday: Give Thanks for Zach Wilson, Pedestrian Knicks, and a Lions/Bears Snoozefest

Not that Keith!

PALM BEACH, FL – Whoa Nellie! (As Keith Jackson used to say.) I almost missed my turn today. I’m Thanksgivinging in God’s Waiting Room with my wife’s family and completely forgot about my most important obligation: To crank out content on a day when almost no one will be checking in. The good news is, I got some early Christmas shopping done for all of my Giants fans friends. Jason Garrett has been returned to Dollar Tree (soon to be $1.25 Tree) and you will all be getting Junoir Blaber Ghana Beer Koozies instead. You’re welcome! Anyway, let’s get this over with.

J-E-T-S SICK-SICK-SICK. Jets fans (LOL), to paraphrase Tony Montana, “Say Hello to my little friend!” Your boy wonder Zach Wilson will be back under center, and scrutiny, because Mike White Lotus and Wacko Flacco have #Covid. Word is they contracted it at a Rave co-hosted by Fireman Ed and Matt McCarthy out on Fire Island. (*Editor’s Note: I’m in Florida. Facts don’t matter here.) In any event, the Big Zach Attack is back, and the Jets will probably win out. Again, I’m in Florida.

KNICKS BEAT LAKERS. Last night the New York Knicks squeaked by a crappy LeBronless Lakers team at The Garden. The Lakers might just be crappy with LeBron, so this is where I tell Knicks fans that your team this year s maybe a bit more mediocre that it was last year. You knew this all along but, Thibs is nothing more than a transitional coach. He’s a guy you bring in to make you feel good about yourself again, get you back on your feet, and get some semblance of confidence back. He’s not the guy who’s bringing you to the altar of NBA Championship contention. In other words, keep swiping on NBA Coaching Tinder, Knickerbocker diehards.

THANKSGIVING FOOTBALL. Not sure if anyone noticed, but people are having a field day ripping the NFL trying to hype tomorrow’s game between Chicago and Detroit. Talk about a Turkey Bowl. The NFL graphic features photos of that game’s starting quarterbacks, who happen to be Andy Dalton and Tim Boyle (???). Among NFL fans’ social media comments are things like, “Great now I have to get drunk before 1 o’clock. Sorry Mom.” I could care less. I still like the tradition of Lions football on Thanksgiving Day and will be pulling for Detroit, and their latest former GM assembly line QB. You never know where the next Eric Hipple (top photo) or Erik Kramer might be coming from.

Okay, that’s about it for today. Must prepare for tomorrow by picking up a proper potato masher, as well as a 2 lter bottle of my brother’s favorite rediscovered soft drink, Tahitian Treat. Happy Thanksgiving, one and all!

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About Angry Ward 742 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.