BRONX, NY – I had so much fun ripping Major League Baseball Wednesday and then being the only commenter who bothered to show up and dump on Paul O’Neill yesterday, that I decided to go for the hat trick and write today’s column as well. I really can’t get enough of this place. It’s so roomy. Posting something here is like screaming down a long empty hallway. There’s something almost Zen about it. Let’s get to it, shall we?
RIP Ken Burrough. Not sure how many of you would remember former Houston Oilers receiver Kenny Burrough, but he passed away yesterday at the age of 73. Though I was (and still am, unfortunately) a Vikings fan back when he played, I loved watching those “Luv Ya Blue” Oilers teams with Burrough, Earl Campbell, Dan Pastorini, and coached by the legendary Bum Phillips. Burrough was their smooth-as-silk #1 receiver and a threat to score any time he got the ball in his hands. He’s also the last person in NFL history to wear double zeroes, because the NFL can no longer stand anyone being cool, original, or standing out. Thanks for the memories, Kenny.
Vikings Trade Kirk Cousins to Russian Army. This hasn’t actually happened, but I’d just like to get the ball rolling. This is a win-win… for Vikings fans and the world. First, Cousins would look great in wave-green and cola. He’s quite the Field General. He’ll compile some impressive stats and make everyone look good for stretches, en route to a certain defeat. If his battles are televised, all the better. He stinks on TV. Let’s pull the trigger on this one!
This Just In! Paul O’Neill is still an a$$hole and the Yankees are still moronically retiring his number. Also, Major League Baseball has set a Monday deadline to get a labor agreement in place or Opening Day will be postponed. How much faith to I have that owners and players will get this done? About as much faith as I have in Chuck Knoblauch and Mackey Sasser playing an errorless game of catch.
Short Matt in Texas. Our fearless/feckless leader Short Matt is in Texas doing his rugby thing. I’m hoping he can find time in his busy schedule to take a meeting with that state’s POS governor and hopefully annoy that a-hole into resignation and permanent hiding.
Okay, I’m up over 400 words! Not bad for a last minute pinch-hit. Must get on with my day. Come back tomorrow for anybody’s guess. I think Vegas has installed me as the favorite. Bet wisely.