Angry Ward Sunday: No More Knicks, Stafford Runs, and Rodgers Stays

BRONX, NY – Everyone needs a goal in life, and mine is to outlive Tom Brady. Sure, he’s won 7 Super Bowls and multiple MVPs and is married to a Super Model and has more money than can be spent in several lifetimes, but I can beat the GOAT by living longer than him, and that is my plan. He can eat all the kale and avocados he wants but, I assure you, my bourbon and Ellios Pizza diet will get it done. Unlike Tommy Boy, I haven’t had my teeth, brain, and vertebrae rattled by years of football. All that upkeep on his hair and skin has to take a toll too. I’m just a bald little ball of hate, only the rats and roaches will see me to the grave. Take that, pretty boy! Oh, wait, I’m supposed to be writing a fill-in column today about something. Let’s do this!

Stop Talking About the Knicks. It’s the NBA All Star break and I think this is a fine time to take a break from discussing the New York Knickerbockers. Really, they aren’t worth your consideration on any level. I commented on another post the other day that the Knicks were coming out of one year of “minor relevancy” and on their way to another rebuild. Someone commented back that they didn’t think it was a “total rebuild,” but what’s the difference? Thibs is a goner. Randle is a headcase. And Dolan’s going nowhere. Let it all go, Knicks fans, and get on with your lives.

Stafford Slinks Away. By now, I’m sure most of you have seen the footage of Matthew Stafford turning his back on a photographer who fell off stage and fractured her spine while taking pictures of the Rams’ QB and his wife at their Super Bowl celebration. NOT A GOOD LOOK, Fella. He’s doing damage control by offering to pay for her medical bills, but the damage to his image is already done. In sports there’s always talk about how players respond to adversity, and in this instance a player tucked his tail and ran away from it.

Baseball. I’m coming out guns blazing on baseball Wednesday. You’ve been warned.

Aaron Rodgers Staying in Green Bay. There’s no bigger sign that MVP and DB Aaron Rodgers will be playing for the Packers next year than his fiancée leaving him. You can almost hear the conversation “Honey, I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’m staying in Green Bay, if that’s ok with…” followed quickly by a door slamming. God I love shallow people.

Okay, I think I’m done for today. Hopefully my friend JG Clancy chimes in with what’s on his Sunday menu. Be sure to come back tomorrow for Short Matt’s hungover edit of Junoir Blaber’s latest sanskrit column.

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About Angry Ward 655 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.