Angry Ward Wednesday: Final Snore, U.S. Men Celebrate Not Blowing It, Robert Kraft Needs a Lift, and Buffalo Gets New Digs

NEW YORK, NY – Is it Wednesday again already? I guess time doesn’t only fly when you’re having fun. It also apparently flies when you’re eating Ellio’s pizza or walking your dog or waiting for everyone to stop talking about some stupid slap fight. Anyway, here we are again. Let’s talk some sh!t about something.

Final Four. The Men’s College Basketball Final Four is set, with Duke, North Carolina, Kansas, and Villanova all vying for the championship before their only decent players abandon them for the NBA draft. Good thing I’m not watching, because you really couldn’t pick four teams that I could care less about. You could have maybe swapped out Villanova for Kentucky, but this is close enough for my current apathetic tendencies. Let’s move on.

USMNT. Apparently the U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team has (pretty much) qualified for the 2022 World Cup. If Costa Rica manages to beat them by six goals tonight, we will have to revisit. It would be funny though. Like the New York Knicks, I think the USMNT is way more entertaining when they’re screwing up and making all their fans miserable. Even when they’re doing something good, like beating the pants off of Panama, they still managed to look ridiculous by unfurling a “Qualified for the World Cup” banner after their win. Hell, the Bad News Bears didn’t even want their second place trophy, and these guys are jazzed just to be playing in the tournament? Lame.

Robert Kraft is Sad. Apparently, New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft is a bit bummed about his team not doing much the last few years. Not a single playoff win in three years. We all know how Bobby likes happy endings. His team underperforming clearly RUBS him the wrong way and TUGS at his heartstrings. Here’s hoping he gets a climax more to his liking before too long. I can’t stand the thought of an unhappy billionaire.

Bills Get a New Stadium. Rejoice, Buffalo! (Man, there’s something you never hear.) You’re getting a brand-spanking-new stadium for your beloved Bills, courtesy of (*reading notes*)… YOU! Hey, the total cost is only $1.4 billion. That’s chump change in Western New York, amirite? Taxpayers get to pick up $850 million of the construction costs, but that’s only because THEY want you to feel like you’re a part of it. Y’know, the same way dimwit Packers fans think their worthless team stock makes them owners. Don’t worry, the Bills are gonna pony up $350 million. But, again, they’ll be getting the fans involved with seat licenses going for $1,000 a pop and higher ticket prices. One can only hope that the Bills Mafia will at least get the construction bid, as well as kickbacks aplenty. What’s that? They aren’t THAT kind of Mafia? Oh well, enjoy your new stadium anyway.

That’s it for me today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz who is either helping negotiate Aaron Judge’s new contract or talking Julius Randle in off a ledge.

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About Angry Ward 742 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.