Hollywood, CA: The trajectory of Will Smith’s life feels a lot like the trajectory of our country. We went from the cool, laid back stud everyone envied to an oversensitive wussy who reacts with misplaced violence to a mild joke. Before Sunday I would have thought almost any violence would be a good addition to the Oscars, but I was mistaken. You don’t look strong by slapping Pookie from New Jack City! It’s time to start a No BS Movement. Let’s go full Jim Carey in Liar Liar. Here are a few examples I’d like to see in sports.
The Lie: “We are acutely aware and empathetic to the highly personal sentiments expressed about this decision. Our team’s comprehensive evaluation process was of utmost importance due to the sensitive nature of his situation and the complex factors involved.”
No BS Take: “Here’s the deal. We know it’s likely this guy did some shady shit, criminal charges or not, and might again. But hey, he’s really good at the most important position in sports and we are willing to roll the dice rather then watch Baker Mayfield ignore wide open receivers for the next 5 years. Fingers crossed.”
NYC Mayor Eric Adams
The Lie: “My medical professionals said, ‘Eric, we’re at a different place. We have to wait until we’re at a place where we’re at a low area to re-examine some of the mandates.’”
No BS Take: “Hey. We know the vaccine passports did absolutely nothing. Everyone sees that now. I mean, how could they when the shot doesn’t stop infection or transmission? 95% my ass, am I right? Maybe we shouldn’t have trusted some of the most corrupt companies in the world. Well, you live and learn.
We wanted to get rid of the whole passport thing but then we’d have to admit we were totally wrong. And we wanted our billionaire sports owners to keep getting richer. We were in a bind. So we came up with this partial measure to save face. You know, like when we lifted mask requirements for everyone except two-year olds. Let’s go Nets.”
The Lie: “I’ve always viewed myself as just a swimmer. It’s what I’ve done for so long; it’s what I love.”
No BS Take: “Ok, so my times have gotten better since I started competing against women. I know I have an unfair biological advantage, but people are calling me the next Jackie Robinson. Would you give that up? I actually have a disadvantage, do you even know about water draggage?”
I’d better stop. Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward. Follow us on Twitter at @benwhit, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.