Big Ben Tuesday: Three Punchable Sports Faces – Bichette, Puljajarvi, Green

Stamford, CT: I could probably write about the Celtics Warriors finals, which is getting interesting, or the best team in baseball, the New York Yankees, but I’m not really feeling it today. The Rangers’ tough loss in Game 3 pissed me off and I feel like punching someone. On that note, I’ve recently noticed three sports guys with really punchable faces that would do nicely. We’re not talking Mark Texiera level punchable, but these guys are up there. Let’s have a look.

Bo Bichette

This Toronto Blue Jay, son of major leaguer Dante, looks like a cross between Kid Rock and Arianna Grande. I can almost guarantee you that he ends the majority of his sentences with a question like “you heard?” or “you feel me?” Bichette showed off the promise of his big league pedigree with 102 RBI last year but has sputtered a bit this year. With a mere 14 walks, Bo likes to swing the bat. “I get paid to drive in runs, not look, “ he probably said, “you feel me?

Jesse Puljujarvi

This Oilers’ winger is not exactly a household name, but you might have spotted the Swede in one of the disappointing intervals when Connor McDavid is not on the ice. Puljujarvi’s bucket sits way on top of his head and he looks like the fat kid on your little league team who couldn’t find a helmet that fit his oversized head. The visor sits well above his eyes, making it nearly useless at protecting his face from errant pucks. His sh!t eating grin looks like a cross between the Cheshire Cat and The Grinch when he’s lying to Cindy Lou. Man, I’d like to blast him one. He has chipped in one lousy goal and two assists in these playoffs, which will probably be over for him by the time you read this.

Draymond Green

I recognize this man’s value on the court, but man does he seem like a douche rocket. If you don’t want Jaylen Brown to stand over you, don’t throw your feet on his back. I reckon that it would be really easy to bait this guy into a series turning ejection/suspension, LeBron style. “Kornet, get in there.” “Me.” “Yeah, tell Draymond you saw his Mom in the men’s room.” I think what makes his face so punchable is that his mouth is always open, bitching to the refs and getting techs. I’d like to smack this guy one – and then run away and change my name to Ward.

That’s it for me. Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward. Follow us on Twitter at @BenWhit8, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

Share Button
About Ben Whitney 312 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.