Angry Ward Wednesday: Swift Defense, Just Say “No” to Harbaugh, and a Cook for Hire

Hard Knocks, Dalvin Cook, Aaron Rodgers, Saleh, Jets, Meet-The-Matts, HBO, NFL, Vikings, Ben Whitney, Google Alerts, #GoogleAlerts
We coulda been a contenda..

NEW YORK, NY – So, last week I lost track of what day it was and failed to write my weekly column. I felt bad about missing my turn, but it was also an educational glimpse at what some of my under-employed friends must be dealing with on a daily, weekly, yearly basis. I did not enjoy it, just as I don’t really enjoy any of those days that come between Christmas and New Year’s. Honestly, as far as I’m concerned, send me back to work right after gifts are opened Christmas morning. Too much free time can be a curse. With that in mind, let’s talk some sports.

Short Matt Not Too Swift. While our own MTM CEO and Founder Short Matt gamely stepped in to pinch hit for me last Wednesday, his effort was predictably not without at least one massive hiccup. In the column he basically blamed Taylor Swift for the season-long poor play of the once-mighty Kansas City Chiefs. He then basically called her the Yoko Ono of the Chiefs. Whether meant as a joke or not, I didn’t find it remotely funny. Men finding a way to blame their problems on women is a beyond-tired trope, as is women being bad juju when it comes to sports. As Warner Wolf used to say, give me a break! Taylor Swift dating Travis Kelce has zero to do with the many things wrong with the Chiefs. They’re just not good this year. But, you know who was? Taylor Swift. I’m also fairly certain she could have snagged at least 5 or 6 (if not more) of the 40 dropped passes (and counting) by the Chiefs on their Errors Tour™ this year.

Go, Huskies! The college football final is set, and I’m rooting for the Washington Huskies. It’s not that I love U Dub or anything, it’s just that I really don’t like Jim Harbaugh and, by extension, Michigan. In a lot of cases, I think identifying that team or player you DON’T like helps settle your rooting interests a lot faster and easier than figuring out who you DO like. Try it some time.

Jets Waive Dalvin Cook. On the next episode of ‘When Good Players Go to Bad Teams,’ the New York Jets release running back Dalvin Cook with one game left in the season.” Boy, did he get paid to do a whole lot of nothing this year. They say he’s hoping to latch on with a contender. Hmm. His old coach with the Browns? Maybe the Saints? Who I guess are still in contention. Too late to go back to the Vikes, who honestly could have used him this year. Oh well.

NY Mets Hot Stove Watch. Someone may want to place a call to Con Ed. I don’t think the gas is on.

Okay, that’s all for me today. After a one-week layoff, I don’t want to strain anything. Come on back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz who is sure to be talking about the recent big trade between the Knicks and the Raptors. There’s no way in hell he’ll be talking about his Eagles.

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About Angry Ward 737 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.