BRONX, NY – Greetings and hallucinations, sports fans. Another February Wednesday is upon us, as is my colonoscopy appointment. As I’m writing this the night before said procedure, I’m in the middle of prep. For those of you who have had this fairly simple (and important) medical exam before, you know that I’m tapping out these words in between bathroom visits. For those of you who haven’t, don’t be foolish. When you reach that magic age, go get checked every five years… or fewer, if that’s what’s called for. OK, enough with the Public Service Announcement, let’s talk sports!
Frankie Goes to Surgery? Baseball’s Spring Training is just barely getting started and already there’s news that Mets shortstop Francisco Lindor may need hand surgery. The good news is that, even if he has the surgery, he should be back in time for Opening Day. But, like most Mets fans, I’m a fatalist. Any negative news prior to the season even starting, portends of more gloom and doom to come. Man, I need to be more positive. He’s gonna be fine… I think. Let’s move on.
U.S. Women Blank Canada 5-0. Olympic Hockey is happening right now, and I’m kinda bummed I missed the U.S./Canada women’s game yesterday. Turns out it wasn’t much of a game, but a very nice, and resounding, win for the U.S. Still, it’s way early. There’s a long way to go to get to the gold medal game. Stay tuned. In other Olympic news, kudos to all of those athletes—especially ones from Minnesota—speaking up and out against what’s happening in their state and the United States. Way to use your platform while still proudly participating on behalf of your country and the values so many still believe in.
The Super Bowl. This is what I’ve decided to name my toilet after yesterday’s courageous effort. I suppose I should also talk about last Sunday’s game, but there isn’t much to discuss. It was a beatdown, and not a very exciting one. I heard way more postgame chatter about the halftime show than anything else. Nothing gives me more pleasure than old white guys getting their Fruit of the Looms in a knot about something that appeals to an audience outside of their own. Cry me a river, softies. You don’t know from awful halftime shows until you’ve watched Up with People, so shaddup! As punishment you now have to watch the two halftime shows Carol Channing performed in. Two!om
Go to the 05:11 mark:
Okay, I’m done for this week. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, whose all-time favorite halftime show, (*despite being a proud Puerto Rican) was New Kids on the Block at SB XXV.
*Added by the MTM Editorial Staff.
