NEW YORK, NY — Forget the Subway Series. Forget Yankees-Mets. Forget Knicks-Nets. If the Sports Gods wants to give New York sports fans a nervous breakdown, how about this: Jets vs Giants. Super Bowl LXI (check the number)! Football’s version of the aforementioned Subway Series.
Obviously there would be no subway ride required. Both teams would simply walk into the same building they share in East Rutherford. And it’s only one game, so that’s another technicality. But the Same Stadium Series has a ring to it. Or what about the Parking Lot Bowl?
Granted, the Jets finished 3-14 last season while the Giants went 4-13. But right now both teams are undefeated! If the season ended today, both would be in the mix! Crazy, right?!
Here’s what would have to happen:
J-E-T-S
They Jetsies have to prove they are actually different. Aaron Glenn and GM Darren Mougey (who?!) are trying to end a decade-plus playoff drought. The defense has to become Glenn’s calling card, while the offense — particularly retread quarterback Geno Smith, back Breece Hall and receiver Garrett Wilson — has to develop into something capable of surviving January football. They also need to ban Fireman Ed for life. He trends as a douche that represents losing.
Then comes the big one: the AFC East.
Da Bills are still the mountain. Buffalo is 2-0 to start the season, so the Jets probably need to win a bunch of games they aren’t supposed to win and steal the division or grab a Wild Card.
Meanwhile, across the parking lot…
JINTS
The Giants have their own transformation underway. John Harbaugh arrived from Baltimore to replace Brian Daboll. The Giants immediately looked different and beat Dallas 28-20. Nice. Jaxson Dart has to become a legitimate franchise QB, the defense has to compensate for the loss of Dexter Lawrence – who must be punching himself in the face in Cleveland – and the Giants have to survive the NFC East. Philadelphia and Sequon Barkley remain the obvious obstacle(s).
Just picture it! Let it manifest people! (I HATE that word, FYI)
Jets win the AFC Championship.
Giants win the NFC Championship.
Suddenly the entire New York metropolitan area becomes one enormous sports bar.
No travel. No airport. No hotel. Just two teams that have spent decades making their fans suffer, meeting for the Lombardi Trophy in the very stadium they both call home. Friedrich Air Conditioner Stadium (Angry Ward TM) would finally host the biggest game.
Wait… the next Super Bowl is set to be played at SoFi Stadium in Inglewood, CA?! We’ll hurdle that when we need to. Besides, California will likely have simultaneously combusted by then – like a Spinal Tap drummer.
The Same Stadium Series/Parking Lot Bowl.
THAT is a Super Bowl I’d watch.
Comment below and come back tomorrow for Jacob Sternberg, who likely didn’t read any of this week’s columns and come up with exactly the same topics! Prove me wrong, Jake!
