WREX'S WRAP-UP

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By Rex O’Rourke

NEW YORK, NY – OK, I got into the spirit of the proceedings and watched and DVR’ed a ton of Olympic coverage and I enjoyed most of it. Some of it was kind of goofy, though. A Few highlights and low-lights for you.

The Canadian speed skating uniforms with the saran/crotch wrap left nothing to the imagination, revealing both camel toes and clams on the beach. I could see what they had for breakfast, for Pete’s sake!

Steve Holcomb of the gold medal winning bobsled team seemed a little doughy, but then so are the lugers. I guess the heavier you are the faster you go. Gravity strikes again. I know it’s striking me.

What in the name of Dick Button is going on with figure skating? We have men, women, pairs, ice dancing, and after it’s all over they have Ice Capades. Enough already!

Curling is AWESOME! It’s bowling, it’s shuffleboard, it’s mullets, it’s silly pants, it’s bald guys, it’s Russian hotties, it’s shot rocks, it’s last rocks, it’s all the pressure of a six footer to win the Masters, it’s Swiss misses with tongue studs, it’s rising to the occasion, it’s choking, it’s screaming, it’s inturns, it’s outturns, it’s the hammer, it’s silly shoes, it’s sweeping, it’s strategy, it’s Don Duguid (The Don Cherry of curling), it’s doubles, it’s guards, and it’s house cleaning. Apparently, though, the U.S. of A. stinks at it!

I was happy for Bode Miller. He seems like a decent guy and taking home some hardware gets the A-Rod style monkey off his back.

Shaun White brings slackerdom into the mainstream. That kid is out of his mind.

Understatement of the week. Cross country skiers appear to be in good shape.

What goes through your mind the first time you catapult yourself off a large hill ski jump. The first word out of your mouth has to be S@#&@#&@#&T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stephen Colbert should host the next Winter Games.

West Coast Craig Monday, tomorrow.
Until next week,
Rex

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  • vinny from brooklyn

    curling needs to be a lot shorter and have some contact or something. but i like your wrap up – wrex.

  • jgclancy

    A Night Train toast to the ” Night Train ” bobsled. The bobsled team is on and the other three are carbon copy tall and lean athletes and their captain is…well..George Costanza-ish.

    The Manitoba curling commercial seemed to hint of wife swapping if you ask me.

    I couldn’t watch that Ice Capades ending…..awful stuff.

    God Bless Bob Costas…and the mute button.

  • Sams A Fan

    I think that Rex just opened my eyes to the only reason anybody would get into ski jumping in the first place and why the IOC is against allowing women to participate. It is because the only reason you do something crazy like that is to impress chicks, and the IOC like any other old white man institution is scared of lesbians.

    These thoughts occurred to me when Rex pointed out what we all know must be the first words out of a ski jumpers mouth the first time he goes off the big hill, and I realized that I had a similar experience when, in my youth, I tried sky diving, and I’m sure that my major rationalization for jumping out of a perfectly good plane was “Hey, maybe this will impress the chicks and get me some.” For any of you potential ski jumpers or sky divers, it didn’t. No surprise.

  • Rex O Rourke

    SAF, interesting insights. Everything is about sex I guess, right?

  • rugbybob14@aol.com

    Always thought merging the great sports of professional wrestling and the pro bowlers tour would make for a good olympic sport

  • buffalobilly84

    Sam, great analysis of Rex’s wrap up… Rugby Bob is onto something with the merger.

  • Rex O Rourke

    RugbyBob, put that sport on ice and you’ve got something… by the way how those flip flops doing?

  • http://www.MeetTheMatts.com The Matts

    Rex O’Rourke: Great column! To that point, without keeping us from Meet The Press or The McLaughlin Group.
    rugbybob14@aol.com: Is that you?! Wow! We are truly honored, Ladies & Germs, to have a true Rugby Legend in our midst…
    S.A.F.: Absolutely astute!
    jgclancy: We are mentioning you.

  • rugbybob14@aol.com

    Flipflop season is coming soon !!! Speaking of flipflops what happened to Puerto Rico????? we were down there throwin your name around demanding free drinks and top service. Nobody knew what we were talking about. You must have an alias when away from the continental United states
    Oh and thank you Matts for the spell check. It helps when making my bi-monthly comments

  • Marcel Dionne

    Rex, you can’t wrap up the games before the most important of them is played. 3pm EST – Canada takes the gold. I hope.

  • jgclancy

    Canada takes the gold medal they made as hosts and nicely hands it to the USA -I hope…they play the anthem….then turn off the cauldron. It malfunctions and stays lit..apparently some woman from Conn. said it couldn’t go out until there was a human sacrifice or something to that effect.

    Now don’t mention my name again. I’m enjoying a nice banana/blueberryorange juice smoothie I made and resting my bad ankle on the couch.

  • http://www.MeetTheMatts.com The Matts

    By the way, Ireland beat England – at Twickenham – 20-16 in Six Nation’s Rugby, yesterday… THAT is a great tournament in sports.
    http://www.planetrugby.com/story/0,25883,9989_5987062,00.html

    riki-flutey-met-by-brian-o-driscoll_meetthematts.jpg
    Rugby’s Ice Dancing… The Irish and English battle in London.

  • Angry Ward

    Chris Carlin should try out for the US Bobsled team in 2014.

    Sam I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane many years back and, not surprisingly, no one tried to stop me. Fun thing to do, but only ONCE. I can’t understand those that make a hobby out of such a thing. I guess they’re the same guys who have seen “Point Break” over 100 times.

  • Dr. Diz

    The McKensie Brothers, eh…awesome. Ireland being the Poms…double awesome. Ice dancing…not so good.

    Take a look from the top of a 90 meter hill, and you appreciate how much guts Eddie the Eagle had…it’s pretty sick.

    jg..Connecticut is an old Indian word, it means “maiden who BBQ enemy and feed them to killer whale”. Gotta watch your back around em’ up there.

    Anyone who wants to see an Oscar winning acting perfomrance go see Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart…saw it last night, great, great acting by Mr. Bridges.

    Robert Duval citing the lyrics of the great Billy Joe Shaver’s Live Forever song is classic…reason enough to see the flick

    http://popup.lala.com/popup/576742283968290161

  • West Coast Craig

    that commercial has officially sold me on curling…Canada must have youth curling leads to turn out the prospects. Now why isn’t bowling part of the summer games?
    Carmen Schaefer

  • Finns

    Great stuff Rex…I will never look at the Olympics the same again.

  • Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson

    Poms. Quaint. Plaudits to the drunkards for winning the battle but losing the war.

  • jgclancy

    Come on Biffle (new nickname for you) that last sentence you wrote just butchered the English language like the English were in the 1770’s.

    Giving the gold to Grote for the week, Rex and the Saturday Matt piece tie for the silver and a bronze to Cookie even though she didn’t write this week.
    I just don’t want to be on her bad side.

  • Dr. Diz

    Poms or pommie. Comes from what the English had on their backs when sent to Georgia and, after the Revolution, Australia.

    P.O.M.E.

    Stands for Prisioner of Mother England.

  • jgclancy

    At least the US started passing into the zone and stopped the dump and charge cr@p.

    I walked four blocks AND back carrying beer. Sad that I now consider that athletic :)

  • Angry Ward

    Pretty good game eh? Overtime!!!!

  • Sams A Fan

    It’s over, and now I won’t care about hockey for another four years.

  • Angry Ward

    Congratulations to Marcel Dionne and the rest of Canada. That was an amazing game. You guys can all slowly loosen your collective sphincter now.

  • Angry Ward

    I’m sure Homer Simpson can’t believe that America lost to America Jr.

  • jgclancy

    Great game…Canada played a little better though…they deserve the gold.

  • Dr. Diz


    A gold medal effort good lads…we always get our man!

  • Dude

    friggin crosby… oh well…
    ward i agree totally on jumping out of a plane, something i too did ONCE… i did spend some time on the ground with the people there and they pretty much all seemed like a bunch of ex-con speed freaks who would sell their mothers to pay for another ride in the plane. its kind of like the crack cocaine of extreme sports.

  • Angry Ward

    Amen Dude.

  • Grote2Dmax

    Well done again Rex and thanks to Judge Clancy for the nod. Today’s game was as good as advertised. Think the US should be favored in 4 years if they can keep this young core together and supplement them with a few more playmakers.

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