Ram’s Rules: March Madness Drinking Game


NEW ORLEANS, LA – There are many sports that offer up exclusivity.  Horse racing is the the Sport of Kings.  Dog racing is the sport of Latin Kings.  And we can all agree no one is paying any attention to the Sacramento Kings. The NCAA Basketball Tournament is the most inclusive event of the year.

For 3 weeks in March, anyone can be a headline and everyone has an opinion. Most likely all of you have at least put in a bracket to the office pool or a friendly pool and if you are lucky enough to be Angry Ward you will be watching from a swimming pool.  Sobering news: All of you with any knowledge of basketball will likely lose to the dumb blonde who chose the teams based on uniform color or the guy who had his dog pick the bracket.  So today, we are going to ignore the hard facts about the tourney and focus on having fun watching it.  I give you the Ram Rules To The 2012 NCAA tournament Drinking Game.

-Every time CBS shows a Masters commercial, drink. If that commercial shows Tiger Woods, drink twice.
-Every time the coverage cuts away from a game you were actually enjoying to a game that doesn’t matter, drink.
-If Obama is spotted in the crowd, drink.
-If Obama’s bracket is mentioned write a letter to the President asking him to focus on issues related to national security.  Then drink.
-If you are the only one in your office – because everyone else snuck off to watch the games – drink excessively.
-Drink every time the Christian Laettner shot is shown. I personally will be drinking every time the Tyus Edney clip is shown.

-If Craig Sager looks like a clown, drink.  If he looks normal, drink until he is off the air.
-If Iona is mentioned, drink while choking yourself.
-If you are a Syracuse, fan drink from now until the tourney is over.  I mean seriously!? You can’t keep a kid eligible?  Calipari got someone to take the S.A.T. for D’Rose and he still got through the year.  I mean, at least have them take the Georgia basketball test.
-Conversely, when a team is getting killed and the announcers start talking about academic achievements, drink.
-If any teams wear non traditional green uniforms on Saturday, drink a beer for each team.
-If Baylor and Cincinatti wear Zubaz shorts again, go buy some Gin ‘n Juice and drink like its 1994.
-If it is mentioned that the tournament committee moved things around so that BYU would not have to play on Sunday, be glad that you can drink. Then exercise that freedom, and drink.
-If you are tired of basketball coverage by the Sweet 16 watch Bull Durham, Major League, Field of Dreams, and Slap Shot – in order to prepare for Opening Day and the NHL Playoffs.  All those movies have great drinking games.
If your significant other complains about you hogging the TV, drink until you can’t hear her/him anymore and then tell them that you have a Netflix subscription for a reason and to go in the other room.  Keep in mind this usually  means that you will be bouncing your own basketball for a few days.

I am sure that I missed some obvious ones, so throw them out there in Comment Land.

And if all of this isn’t enough to whet your whistle, then come back and get tipsy with Cookies Corner tomorrow.

I just drank.

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About the Author ()

Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues… Thus his occasional “Ram Rules” column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he’s Opie Taylor white.

  • Cheesybruin

    The sight of Norm Stewart to this day makes me cringe over how much $$$ that country bumpkin cost me in my gambling days!  Is he dead yet?  Come to think of it, the entire Big Eight as it was called then, was as corrupt as Boss Tweed. 
    Nice job, RR.

    • Ram Rules

      Stormin Norm is still kickin. He hangs around Mizzou arena like a lost Alzheimer’s patient and we love him for it. Don’t ask him about the good ole days. That conversation will take more time than you got.

  • Cookie

    Well done Rams Rules.  A post about basketball that I read all the way through!  That in itself is an accomplishment.   (And I appreciate the Christian Laettiner mention too. I wonder if he aged well?)

    Indeed.. if you know or care NOTHING about NCAA hoops, you’re prime to win an office pool.  Yes.  I did.
    I also don’t approve of how March Madness sometimes runs into April.   That name is ALL wrong there. 

    Finally, I left Mr. Cookie at home after we had to take a mini to a pediatric dentist (CHA-CHING!) to go into NYC to have my tattoos re-inked and meet a friend to dinner.    I’d like some applause for that since (as was mentioned in yesterday’s Angry Ward column) it was ‘National Steak and Blow Job Day.’  Hehe.

    • Ram Rules

      Laettner aged well but that is going to hurt him when he is the prettiest boy in the cell block.


      • Cookie

        RR… that ‘offense’ means Club Fed… at best.  I would like to see a recent pic of him tho.  🙂

        • Sam’s-A-Fan

           And Mr. Cookie would like a do-over for yesterday.

          • Ha ha!  he doesn’t get one!  AND it was his birthday too.   To clean up what the answer to that ‘national day’ was and how it did (or rather.. did NOT) go down (ha ha) in my house… ‘NO SOUP FOR YOU!!’   Don’t worry boys.. i don’t crab about Valentine’s Day either.  I think it’s downright silly.. and i hate chick flicks as well. 

  • We had a drinking game for the NHL finals with the Panthers(???) and Avalanche in a bar after one of our baseball games. Anytime your team iced the puck or got a penalty, you had to chug a beer. Anytime the opposing goalie made a save, you had to drink. We did One Potato to see who would have what team. Rex O’Rourke had the Avalanche and Patrick Roy. The game went like 2 overtimes and Roy had something like 60 saves. I barfed all over 3rd Ave in my baseball uniform and couldn’t make it 15 blocks to my apt. Stayed on Rex’s couch.

  • That Georgia test should include:  Which play can you hang your entire career on?  The answer is C:  Tyus Edney.  

  • Different Matt

    Craig Sager always looks like a clown. That is his normal state. Even if he isn’t dressed like a clown, he looks like one. guess we’ll all be doing a LOT of drinking over the next couple of weeks.

  • buffalobilly84

    McCarthy was up here and we had him shot-gunning beers on camera. That was at the Winter Classic. Anytime the P.A. announcer said Buffalo, we sipped half of what we were holding. 

  • Is viewing sports already a drinking game? We watch and drink. 

  • MeetTheMatts

    WHOA!!! Loose lips sink ships! What goes on during Drinking Games stays in Drinking Games, people!!! For that, we’ll have to smoke you all in a summer Beer Pong/Flip Cup Tournament. And don’t get us started on Quarters! 

  • Sam’s-A-Fan

    Great column RR!  I’d just like to tweak the rules one little bit.

    If Obama’s bracket is mentioned – Drink, then write a letter to the President asking him to focus on issues related to national security.  Then drink.

    • Ram Rules

      I do write my best stuff on the sauce. I like to think of myself as a regular earnest Hemingway

      • Grote2Dmax

         I didn’t know Hemingway was constipated.  You learn something new everyday.

  • Johnny Rox

    I was initially sad that the VERY Rackalicious Lori Levine wasn’t doing today’s column, then I read yours! All I can say is Wow!!! Very nicely done Mr. Rules!

    My life is a very complicated drinking game!

    I’m currently playing the one where whenever my wife says something, I drink!
    So it’s, blaa blaa blaa Magic Hat! Blaa blaa blaa Magic Hat! Blaa blaa blaa Magic Hat! You get the jist!!!

    It’s only the first period and I’m outta beer!!! F*CK!!! Beer Run!

    Let’s go Rangers…

  • Grote2Dmax

    I took your advice early today and I was too drunk to comment by the time I finished reading.  Now I’m up from my map ready to continue following your latest Ram Rules.

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  • how much do I have to drink if I think illegal recruiting is going on?

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