NEW ORLEANS, LA – There are many sports that offer up exclusivity. Horse racing is the the Sport of Kings. Dog racing is the sport of Latin Kings. And we can all agree no one is paying any attention to the Sacramento Kings. The NCAA Basketball Tournament is the most inclusive event of the year.
For 3 weeks in March, anyone can be a headline and everyone has an opinion. Most likely all of you have at least put in a bracket to the office pool or a friendly pool and if you are lucky enough to be Angry Ward you will be watching from a swimming pool. Sobering news: All of you with any knowledge of basketball will likely lose to the dumb blonde who chose the teams based on uniform color or the guy who had his dog pick the bracket. So today, we are going to ignore the hard facts about the tourney and focus on having fun watching it. I give you the Ram Rules To The 2012 NCAA tournament Drinking Game.
-Every time CBS shows a Masters commercial, drink. If that commercial shows Tiger Woods, drink twice.
-Every time the coverage cuts away from a game you were actually enjoying to a game that doesn’t matter, drink.
-If Obama is spotted in the crowd, drink.
-If Obama’s bracket is mentioned write a letter to the President asking him to focus on issues related to national security. Then drink.
-If you are the only one in your office – because everyone else snuck off to watch the games – drink excessively.
-Drink every time the Christian Laettner shot is shown. I personally will be drinking every time the Tyus Edney clip is shown.
-If Craig Sager looks like a clown, drink. If he looks normal, drink until he is off the air.
-If Iona is mentioned, drink while choking yourself.
-If you are a Syracuse, fan drink from now until the tourney is over. I mean seriously!? You can’t keep a kid eligible? Calipari got someone to take the S.A.T. for D’Rose and he still got through the year. I mean, at least have them take the Georgia basketball test.
-Conversely, when a team is getting killed and the announcers start talking about academic achievements, drink.
-If any teams wear non traditional green uniforms on Saturday, drink a beer for each team.
-If Baylor and Cincinatti wear Zubaz shorts again, go buy some Gin ‘n Juice and drink like its 1994.
-If it is mentioned that the tournament committee moved things around so that BYU would not have to play on Sunday, be glad that you can drink. Then exercise that freedom, and drink.
-If you are tired of basketball coverage by the Sweet 16 watch Bull Durham, Major League, Field of Dreams, and Slap Shot – in order to prepare for Opening Day and the NHL Playoffs. All those movies have great drinking games.
–If your significant other complains about you hogging the TV, drink until you can’t hear her/him anymore and then tell them that you have a Netflix subscription for a reason and to go in the other room. Keep in mind this usually means that you will be bouncing your own basketball for a few days.
I am sure that I missed some obvious ones, so throw them out there in Comment Land.
And if all of this isn’t enough to whet your whistle, then come back and get tipsy with Cookies Corner tomorrow.
I just drank.