ANGRY WARD WEDNESDAY: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

NEW YORK, NY – Now that the baseball season is mercifully over, the temperatures have started to drop, and daylight hours dwindle down to a precious few it’s getting increasingly more difficult for some of you weekend warriors out there to get your competitive sports fix. Let’s face it, as the leaves continue to fall, the idea of getting out on the links, playing softball, or taking to the tennis courts seem just a tad less appealing. Not to worry, we here at MeetTheMatts.com are more than happy to lend a hand. In an effort to help curb those competitive cravings we offer you this list of games you can play indoors designed to alleviate the itch of just about any sports nut. And away we go!

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• Gnip Gnop: Who needs tennis when you’ve got the fast paced, head-to-head, ball-smashing action of this Parker Brothers classic? As a bonus there are no stuffy country club types to contend with and no arguments or challenges over blown calls by linesmen.


Gnip Gnop is Ping Pong spelled backwards, and not the name of the Mets’ next bust from the Far East.

• Hungry Hungry Hippos: Are you missing the excitement of competitive eating and it’s just too excruciating a wait until the July 4th Nathan’s contest? Well then, have we got the game for you. Nothing says Americana like a contest to see who’s hippo can consume the most marbles. And for those of you who think hippos are just too childish, the fine folks at Hasbro are releasing an updated version of this game in time for Christmas called: Hungry Hungry Rex Ryans.

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You don’t think Hungry Hungry Hippos require any athleticism? Think again.

• Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots: Facts are facts, Heavyweight boxing is dead and any other fight that’s the least bit compelling is just too darn expensive on pay-per-view. Who needs it when you can practice the sweet science yourself via the pulse-pounding action of Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots. This game also is a great way to work through issues with that neighbor whose dog keeps crapping on your lawn. Stop talking about it and go ahead and knock his block off, for real.

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There’s nothing like a little plastic-on-plastic violence.

• Operation: OK, this one isn’t such a test of sports skill but can you think of a better way to relive the glorious campaign of the 2009 New York Mets? “I’m gonna remove Carlos Delgado’s funny bone.” (Bzzzzzzz!) “Oh man!”

• Electric Football: Yes, we know that the NFL and college seasons are in full swing, but for those of you Jets and Giants fans getting bad vibrations from your respective teams, here’s the perfect outlet with considerably more positive vibes. The field-shaking frenzy of this classic game is always a crowd pleaser. And it’s eerie just how much the running style of the backs resemble that of Brandon Jacobs.

• Don’t Break the Ice: For those of you who can’t stand the thought of watching an NHL game, this one’s for you. Combining the tension of a Bobby Fischer/Boris Spassky chess match with the whimsy of an ice skating polar bear, this contest of wits and wills is not for the faint of heart.

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Cootie Games also produce the popular summer game, “Don’t Clean Levine’s Hot Tub.”

• Twister: During the off-season we have it on good authority that Short Matt stays in shape by inviting his rugby pals over for an occasional Twister scrum. Please note that beer is not included with this Hasbro product.

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An excellent depiction of one of Short Matt’s parties… only remove the women and add more frustrated men.

• Toss Across: For bottom-feeders only. This game takes tic-tac-toe to whole new level by making combatants toss a beanbag in order to achieve their brilliant X and O strategies. According to the old commercials, this game is also suitable for dogs.

All right then, these suggestions should more than help fill the void during those gray winter days when you struggle to keep those dark thoughts (including another season of Omar & Jerry) at bay.
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Now go get yer game on! Next week we’ll be discussing the pros and cons of knitting circles.

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About Angry Ward 671 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.