MATTVILLE, USA – As Grandma Erna talks quilts, Aunt Lila serves up the homemade applesauce and Uncle Bernie pops a Schaeffer, we canâ€™t help but think about how thankful we are for certain things in our worldâ€¦ the world of sports, of course. So, while youâ€™re funneling Fido undercooked turkey as his wet nose sniffs your ankles, digest these helpings of MTM T-DAY Thank You Bombs:
REX RYAN: This oafish, white trash version of a young George Steinbrenner â€“ without ANY success – is the best thing in terms of dopey soundbites and loose-lipped post-game reactions to hit the scene since Chuckie Carrâ€™s clarification on why he ignored a take sign:
“That ain’t Chuckie’s game. Chuckie hacks on 2-0.”
BOBBY VALENTINEâ€™S RETURN:ã©ã†ã‚‚ã‚ã‚ŠãŒã¨, ã©ã†ã‚‚ã‚ã‚ŠãŒã¨ã†, ã©ã†ã‚‚ã‚ã‚ŠãŒã¨ã†â€¦ DÅmo arigatÅ, dÅmo arigatÅ, dÅmo arigatÅâ€¦ Thank you, thank you, thank you! Many of you know but some donâ€™t â€“ we do a mean Bobby V and his return, especially as an analyst covering all of baseball (until he edges out Wally Backman as J-Manuelâ€™s replacement in May), opens soooo many doors for us. Any Japanese instructors out there?
Nice tie, Bob.
THE MANNING BROTHERS: These two guys will prove out to be the main reasons Bill Belichick and Tom Brady didnâ€™t win 7 Super Bowls in their careers. bosoxbruins04 aside, we love them for derailing Patriot Express because Boston fans are truly insufferable â€“ almost worse than those from Philthydelphia. This is meant as no slight to the Steelers but the Manning brothers were the Davids to New Englandâ€™s Goliath.
NJ NETS & LAWRENCE FRANK: They have the money to rival the Knicks in bidding for next summerâ€™s biggest free agents, but even Jay-Z canâ€™t overcome a new Russian owner, the lack of a definitive future home or an 0-14 start. Further, is it just us or does anyone really believe a 5â€™8â€ leprechaun can get predominantly African-American, 6â€™11â€ basketball stars to listen to him about anything other than where the best Guinness is? (Swifts and The Snatcher are our faves) As Knick fans, we thank the entire Net organisation (Canadian spelling for Angry Ward).
Listen to Steve Smith through the whole piece.
AL DAVIS & JERRY JONES: Sure, weâ€™re all sick of them after their recent over-exposure to the Mattville community, but taking deserved potshots at them is something that we can always fall back on when the creative tank is running on fumes. From their bulging eyes to their always-disappointing teams, they give us plenty of fun fodder.
NFL CHEERLEADERS: Good golly! What’s so wrong with gratuitous, anyway?! We are extremely thankful for them, even the ones in Cleavageâ€¦ Uh, Cleveland. Unfortunately, they haven’t had cheerleaders up there since:
Call us crazy but couldn’t a team dressing in BROWN in frigid temperatures and a depressed city use a little bounce & jiggle in their collective step??? Perhpas it was that very absence of cheerleaders that drove Art Model to rip the heart out of Cleveland and moved to Edgar Allan Poe’s hood.
Or maybe it was for other stuff.
MTMâ€™s EDITORS: Inadvertently and unintentionally, they often manage to tick off Angry Ward, which as we all know, only makes for more funny for all of us.
MTMâ€™S LINEUP: Seven days a week people are drawn to MTM not for the once-a-month videos (the ideal is one per week) but for the product being cranked out by Angry Ward, West Coast Craig, Rex Oâ€™Rourke, Cookie, The Phanatic & Philview, Grote2DMax, newcomers Missy-Jill and Eddiz/Ed Diz and spot starters like Different Matt, Replacement Matt, Aristotle and Yankee Joe, not to mention retiree Sam’s-A-Fan. Perspectives from all walks and locales keep this thing humminâ€™ and growing. THANK YOU to this group and all of you. It keeps us going.
Tune in tomorrow for Cookie’s Holiday Corner and turkey leftovers!