ORCHARD PARK, NY – It’s cold outside but it could be colder in your office, especially at Fidelity Investments if you have anything whatsoever to do with the likes of one, Trent Edwards; the beleaguered Buffalo Bills Quarterback. Poor T-Ed had it pretty bad already; getting lectures from Terrell Owens, dealing with The Queen City weather and scrambling for his life behind a Swiss-cheese offensive line.


Now, however, he has the added burden of being poor slob Cameron Pettigrew’s worst nightmare in a recession-challenged job market. You see, Trent Edwards Got Cam Canned.

According to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Fidelity fired Pettigrew for partaking in a Fantasy Football League. The Camster was a relationship manager in a private client group and had this to say:

“Firing a guy for being in a $20 fantasy league? Let’s be honest, that’s a complete overreaction. In this economic time, especially. To fire people over something like this, it’s just cold.”

Did Pettigrew get Buffaloed? Was this just a corporate snow job??

Fidelity spokesman Vinny “The Turk” Loporchio countered:

“We have clear policies that relate to gambling. Participation in any form of gambling through the use of Fidelity time or equipment or any other company resource is prohibited. We want our employees to be focused on our customers and clients.”

Humph. We can argue this one both ways. We own shares in a Fidelity Focus Fund and think that rotisserie and fantasy leagues taint watching games because people cheer for teams/players they’d normally like to see die in a tragic blimp accident. Further, we’re not crazy about our money handlers being distracted by Chad Ochocinco’s TD totals. However, they could have given the guy a warning, what with the economy and all.

    Trent Edwards ponders his pink wristbands.

So how does Trent Edwards figure in all this? Here’s how: In his defence (Canadian spelling for Angry Ward) Pettigrew maintained that he never sent any fantasy football emails at work but investigators found two instant messages with fantasy related info about… Mr. Trent Edwards.

“One of my buddies sent me something about how bad Trent Edwards was playing or something like that. So they called me in and talked to me for about 90 minutes on everything I ever knew about fantasy football.”

Frankly, Edwards has been awful but any QB would be in those messages if they were getting knocked silly from the blind side in Orchard Park. Even Peyton Manning would look bad on that team. And don’t think for second that Trent Edwards isn’t upset about this. In fact, the poor bastard can’t even think straight.


CONCLUSION: The Man likely axed Cameron Pettigrew prematurely but Cam-Pet was guilty of pushing the envelope in a time when financial companies are under the gun. That said, can somebody out there please hire Mr. Pettigrew – for Trent Edward’s sake? As for fantasies, stick to something like the one we had today:

Sailors and Buffalo Jills… Hello, Frisco! Get some hot wings!

Angry Ward is up tomorrow and you can order delicious, homemade cookies from our Master Baker Cookie, here:
Cookie’s Cookies. No joke.

*We had erroneously pegged Cookie’s Corner for tomorrow. Sorry, Cookie.

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