NEW YORK, NY – For those of you non-Mets fans out there, I’m sorry for this departure from sports-in-general to focus on our own personal Flushing-based nightmare, but this was long overdue. Besides, it’s February and my other options were a predictable rant about the pointless hype in the week leading up to the Super Bowl or the usual hodge-podge of sports and popular culture, like the striking similarities between Drew Brees and John-Boy Walton. But, for now, let’s get to the business at hand.
Dear Fred and Jeff Wilpondscum:
I think I speak for all Met fans when I say “thanks for doing such a bang up job.” You guys are amazing owners with a real feel for the game of baseball as well as your fans.
I was reminded, once again, of what great guys you are by your complete lack of recognition of former Mets organist Jane Jarvis’s passing. Would it have killed you to release a statement? Nothing from either of you or Jay Horwitz? I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. It was also super classy when you guys failed to honor her in any small way during Shea’s final season. She only worked for the Mets from the day Shea first opened its doors in 1964 through 1979. In fact, in 2008 interview Ms. Jarvis was quoted as saying: “The current management group doesn’t have any special feeling toward me, but I would love [to be a part of that countdown] celebration. She added, “That would make me the happiest person on earth.” And where did these words appear? Why, on your very own SNY website.
But that particular slight is only the tip of the iceberg with you clowns. Your entire organization is a mess. Never have two guys rewarded stupidity so richly while simultaneously being oblivious to even the most glaring deficiencies. Just look at your last two (longterm) General Managers? Steve Phillips was (and still is) more concerned with getting his hands on an intern (any intern will do) than a decent player, and Omar Minaya thinks the best thing for the Mets is turning the team into his own personal Buena Vista Social Club (as I believe someone here previously put it). God knows who’s next in line to run the show. Isiah Thomas?
Sports Illustrated should so a reshoot this
spring with the headline: Mess Master.
How about that new stadium of yours? It’s an architectural abomination aptly named after a failure of a bank. Seriously, who designed this thing, Mr. Magoo?
I’ve seen better sightlines in a funhouse. Let’s forget about the oft-discussed main entrance shrine to the Dodgers for a moment and focus on all the other issues. The Mets’ colors are orange and royal blue so of course you made all of the seats green. Even though you are supposedly fixing the horrendous bullpen configuration, their location right next to one another in center-field is terrible. One could walk to California faster than it takes to exit the stadium via the ramps. The sound system still stinks. You finally got the food right but last year’s team made everyone so nauseous that they were refunding their Shake Shack and Blue Smoke orders in your environment-friendly lavatories.
Speaking of the team, um, do you chuckleheads have any reason to believe the 2010 club will significantly out-perform the injury-plagued, poorly-coached, 92-loss, 2009 version? Let’s start with the starting pitching. No one is questioning Johan Santana, though he is coming off of elbow surgery. Behind him you have Maine, Pelfrey, Perez, and a steel cage death match between, Nieve, Niese, and Omar’s latest used car purchase, Josh Fogg, for the fifth slot. Even assuming Santana is healthy, the only people scared by this rotation are Mets fans. And it looks as though the guy who will be the primary receiver for this staff is Omir Santos, a decent #2 but still a guy with just over a 100 games MLB experience. Still, this isn’t as bad as some other spots. Who’s on first? The answer is Fernando Tatis and Daniel Murphy. How’s that for a punchline Abbott & Costello?
It looks like Luis Castillo has a lock on second base as well as Omar’s heart. With Carlos Beltran out indefinitely (which should be his status default setting) you guys are clearly counting on newly acquired LF Jason Bay to put this club on his back and take them to the playoffs. Good luck with that. And steering this ramshackle mess once again is Jerry Manuel. Is it any wonder that so many of your season ticket holders aren’t renewing their plans? If folks want to see a car wreck there’s always NASCAR or the Cross Bronx Expressway.
So, there you have it. You morons should donate your brains to a chick pea salad. Please sell the team at your earliest possible convenience. Failing that, here are a few simple suggestions. Start thinking about Jerry Manuel’s possible successor now, do not wait until the last minute. Ditto for Omar, you guys don’t know squat about baseball and need someone working for you that does. On a similar note, all of this sloppy play starts in the minors. You need to revamp your scouting system and get instructors in place who can teach the fundamentals. For the last time, go back to one home and one road uniform in the original colors. Make a point of consistently inviting back and celebrating former MetS players and coaches. Finally, stop begging fans back with minuscule ticket discounts and, for once, take some responsibility for your actions. Hearing at least one of you admit “I screwed up.” even one time would be a most refreshing change.
Enjoy the remainder of the offseason, which for you guys runs 365 days a year.
Warmest personal regards,