A.J.’S MALAISE: LONG CON OF LONG GRIFT

BRONX, NY – Entering the sixth month of the third year of a horrible contract, A.J. Burnett seems to be doing whatever he can to earn an early retirement.  Last night’s decent performance aside, Burnett has been terrible since putting his Herbie Hancock on a five year, $82 mil contract with the Bombers a few years ago.

Burnett was always an average pitcher. He was average with the Marlins and he was average with the Blue Jays. The Yankees, as they have been in the past, were blinded by how well Burnett did against the Yankees in the 2003 World Series. The Yanks have been down this road before, signing or trading for players that helped put a few nails in the Bombers’ postseason coffin. Randy Johnson, Tony Womack, and Tino Martinez (one of the few that worked out) immediately come to mind as Yankee acquisitions after killing the Yankees in the playoffs.

AJ tweaking on meth

The Yanks needed another arm to go with CC Sabathia so they ignored the fact that Burnett was always and average pitcher. They also ignored the fact that AJ looks like your average Jacksonville meth-head and they signed him for too long and too much money.

With Burnett executing this long grift to perfection, its now up to the Yankees to do what they can to recoup some of the losses from the AJ debacle. Here’s a couple of ways in which the Yanks can save some face and maybe a few of the thirty-odd million dollars we still owe Burnett.

A.J. Burnett Pie Throwing Contest: The Yankees can charge disgruntled fans $10 a pop to throw a pie at Burnett in an annual contest. I don’t know a Yankee fan out there that wouldn’t shell out ten clams to rock A.J. with a pie tin filled with shaving cream (or dirty syringes for that matter). The Yankees would make their money back in no time. Hell, They’d probably turn a profit.

Igawa him!: Kei Igawa pulled off one of the greatest long grifts in baseball history (Bobby Bo has to be number one on that list). What the Yankees did was ship Igawa to the minors, where he’s still pitching and setting new records for Major League futility and Minor League mediocrity. The Yankees could have released Igawa and shipped him back to Japan, but they’d much rather burn him out in the minor leagues until people forget he ever existed. The Yankees could do the same thing with Burnett. Send him to the minors and let him figure out how to pitch seven innings while finally kicking that meth habit.

Trade him to the Mets: We all know this is the most likely scenario. The Mets would gladly take Burnett for 12 of their best prospects and the deed to CitiField. They might even give Burnett and extension, keeping him in New York until 2025 or so. It makes perfect sense in a nonsensical kind of way.

Unfortunately, it’s unlikely any of these moves will be make by the Yanks. Burnett will continue to collect big bucks from the Yankees to frustrate fans, coaches, and fellow teammates  in New York for another couple of seasons. That’s a shame. A.J.’s Malaise just won’t go away.

The Public Professor tomorrow…

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About Different Matt 264 Articles
Different Matt is our cunning Cornell grad/rugby player. "Diff" joined us just after the switch from being "Mets only" to an all-sports stop. He's a Yankee fan; thus he was "different." Aside from the Yanks, he's a diehard NY Giants, NY Rangers and NY Knicks fan. He also likes long walks on the beach and cappuccinos and nearly died in Las Vegas.