NEW YORK, NY – In celebration of the brilliant, yet failed, stand-up career of one Clifford Clavin, today we offer you some MTM holiday-themed sports daffynitions. Even if this is viewed as “mailing it in,” let’s be honest, the Post Office needs the work, and nothing would make Cliffy happier.
Tree Trimming: What Tree Rollins gets at his local barbershop every December.
Christmas Play: What Jerry Sandusky calls groping the boys of Second Mile around the holidays.
Menorah: How Shannon Sharpe pronounces “Marino.”
Bauble: A David Wright defensive staple.
Snowman: Sam Hurd’s new prison nickname.
Kris Kringle: An horrific new STD created by the short-lived union of Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian.
DreDull: The most common excuse among NFL sportswriters for keeping former Bills receiver Andre Reed out of the Hall of Fame.
Fruitcake: (see Johnny Weir)
Ho Ho Ho: The first three names on the guest list for the Vikings annual Holiday Sex Boat party.
Missiletoe: What Quadry Ismail used to call his turf toe injuries.
Grinch: The sound Short Matt’s knees make when he crouches.
Egg Nog: What Eagles fans would do if the opposing quarterback’s name was Nog.
Stocking Stuffer: The thing Brett Favre shoves down his pants to make his junk look bigger.
Kwanzaa: How Shannon Sharpe pronouces “Cowher.”
Midnight Mass: What Rob Ryan’s wife sees bathed in refrigerator light every night around midnight.
Carol: That chick from The Magic Garden.
Garland: A guy who will probably be pitching for the Mets in 2012.
Slay Ride: Any lift from Jim Leyritz.
Festival of Lights: Jersey Turnpike traffic description for this Sunday’s Giants/Jets game.
Noel: The response El Duque got from every single Major League team when he asked for an invite to spring training.
OK, that’s all for this week. Have a great holiday everyone! Our own Hanukkah Honey, Lori Levine, is back tomorrow. Mazel!