NEW YORK, NY – First off, Happy New Year! We hope this finds you hale, hearty and not too hungover! Cheesy Bruin is without the Intra Webs again, so we’re filling in – although there’s no replacing The Cheese Man – and as luck would have it, we have exclusive info for you. See, the Official Sports Courier misplaced his satchel, which was then turned over to us. In it, were the not-yet-released 2012 Sports Slogans & Promises. We’re damning all lawsuits and giving them to you, Mattville. Here are our faves:
New York Mets: It Will Be Hell, In Twenty Twelve!
Connecticut Whale: Sean Avery’s Loss Is Your Gain!
Dallas Cowboys: Romo Can’t Wrestle But You Ought To See His Box!
L.A. Lakers: Kobe’s Single! “Lucky” Fans Can Smell His Fingers!
Pittsburgh Pirates: First 8 Fans Play The Field!
Miami Marlins: Smoke Some Pot And Look At Our Logo!
Washington Nationals: We’re Better Than The Mets!
New Jersey Nets: Don’t Let Our Owner’s Yellow Teeth Scare You Away!
New York Islanders: Last Call!
Manchester City: Screw Man U, Our Fans Are Hooligans Too!
New York Yankees: Damn The Recession And Give Us Your Rent Money!
Jason Bay: It’s Sink Or Swim In Flushing… Bay!
Jayson Werth: I’m Better Than Bay!
Sean Avery: Jason Bay’s Canadian – I’ll Wear His Hat No Matter What!
Jose Reyes: Lebron Is Cooler Than Wright! Come See Me Bunt!
Rex Ryan: We Will Win The Super Bowl!
Mark Cuban: Douches Win Too! See My Kraut Kick Ass!
Albert Pujols: It Wasn’t About The Extra $34,000,000.00!
Al Trautwig: I Have A Russian NBA Owner’s Smile!
Carmelo Anthony: Eddie Curry Is Gone!
Tim Tebow: Believe In The Power Of Prayer!
Mark Sanchez: Hail Mary, Full Of Grace…
There you have it, please feel free to add your own and also check in tomorrow with West Coast Craig, who will be clacking at his keyboard at 4 am!