Grote’s Gripes: Super Match-ups In Boston vs NY

Bobby Brady, I Want To Kiss You

INDIANAPOLIS, IN – This year’s Super Bowl is a dream rematch between the New York Football Giants and the New England Patriots.  Ah, NY vs Boston once again.  This will be the fifth time in major sports history that NY will face Boston for the title.  The series is now split at two games apiece.  The Bruins have both of Boston’s victories having beaten the Rangers twice for the Stanley Cup.  Of course the Mets beat the Red Sox in the 1986 World Series and the Giants beat the Patriots four years ago.

As a follow-up to WCC’s stellar prop betting piece yesterday I decided to break down the Big Game position by position.

Quarterback: Tom Brady has already surpassed all his brothers football accomplishments (besting Greg, Peter and Bobby Brady’s backyard game with Joe Namath) while Eli Manning is hoping to best his brother’s super bowl titles.  Edge: Patriots.

Deep Threat Tor Johnson in “Plan 9 From Outer Space”

Running Backs:  Ben-Jarvus Green-Ellis is listed as probable with a hyper-extended name while Brandon Jacobs is listed as doubtful to gain 15 yards.  Edge: Patriots.

Wide Receivers: The powerful Afro Funk Fusion trio of Nicks, Cruz and Manningham easily beat the Average White Band (Welker and Edelman).  Edge: Giants.

Tight Ends: Comparing Ballard/Beckum to Gronkowski/Hernandez is like comparing Ed Wood to Stanley KubrickEdge: Patriots

Offensive Linemen: I know nothing about these lines except that a couple of the Giants fat guys are banged up while the Patriots fat guys are pretty healthy.  Edge: Patriots fat guys.

Jim Plunkett In “Plan 16 From Outer Space”

Defensive Linemen: Don’t the Patriots know they shouldn’t bring a Wilfork to a knife fight?  Tuck and Pierre-Paul might turn pretty boy Brady into a grotesque Jim Plunkett looking creature by the end of the game.  Edge: Giants.

Linebackers: Kiwanuka and Boley can raise your blood pressure while Pats LB’s Spikes and Mayo can raise your cholesterol.  Edge: Giants.

Defensive Backs: Webster/Rolle/Phillips/Ross might get beat more often by the Pats wide receivers than Tina Turner was beat by Ike TurnerMcCourty/Chung/Ihedigbo/Arrington might get beat more often by the Giants wide receivers than Rihanna was beat by Chris BrownEdge: Patriots (since they apparently like coming back for more).

Kicker: Two somewhat reliable kickers.  Since Tynes is Scottish born he is more likely than Gostkowski to kick Madonna in the minge.  Edge:  Giants.

Fans need to flex Anna Watson-like muscle!

Coach: Coughlin never gets enough credit until the Giants play way over their heads for weeks at a stretch.  Belichick gets too much credit because his players seem to play way over their heads for seasons at a stretch.  Edge: Patriots.

Prediction: The winning box numbers will be Patriots 7 Giants 0, Patriots 4 Giants 7, Patriots 1 Giants 6, Patriots 1 Giants 3.

Stay tuned tomorrow for Big Game enthusiast, Angry Ward.

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