Terry Collins: “Get the married men off the field!”

FLUSHING, NY – Tuesday night Terry Collins baffled all with a decision to take David Wright out of the game for fear of retaliation from the plunking of Ryan Braun.

First off, Ryan Braun should be plunked…often.  That dirty frogging tile escaped justice (I’m convinced Selig is responsible for the outcome) and thus should be subject to street justice as often as the opposition sees fit.

Secondly, I agree with Terry Collins’ assertion that there are unwritten rules in baseball.  One of them being that if I hit your guy you get to hit mine.  So today, as an exercise in baseball etiquette, I am going to run down a few of the people I take out of the game to save and a few of the people I leave in for a good retaliatory shellacking.

Bean Derek Jeter:  He is owed one.  Just watch the following clip and you will understand.  I haven’t seen an acting job that good since I well.. the last NBA game I watched.

Save JT Snow:  The man took a Randy Johnson fastball off of the face…  No one should ever have to have that pleasure.  The man exploded a bird.  JT is lucky his face didn’t explode.

Bean David Wells:  Now here is a fun one.  David attacked a fan in a bar for talking bad about him.  Imagine what wrath would befall the pitcher if you hit this man.  It may take him an hour to get to the mound from the plate but it would be worth the wait.  Especially if Nolan Ryan was waiting for him.

Save Craig Biggio:  The man finished second all time in being hit by pitches with 285.  He wasn’t really  a target but he knew how to take one for the team.  I would pull him simply out of respect.  Football has enough hall of famers that can’t walk.  We don’t need the same in baseball.

Bean Andy Pettitte/Roger Clemens:  Same goes for these two as goes for Braun.

Save Lori Levine:  Essentially, I am pinch-hitting today and taking this one for the team.  Good thing Short Matt can’t throw very hard.  Lord knows I would rather be in Vegas, knee-deep in shame and disappointment.

Bean Short Matt:  There isn’t a bone left in his body that hasn’t been mauled already, so why get someone with a future hurt?

Save Pete RoseCharlie Hustle has been taking cheap shots from the media for 30 years.  I pull him out the game and put him in the Hall where he belongs

Bean Bugs Bunny: Silly wabbit, TRIX on you.

Save Porky Pig:  How can you hate a  Verne Lundquist look alike?

Save: Any Member of backstreet Boys, N’Sync, 98 degrees

Bean: Justin Bieber: Somehow, he has managed to be the only teen heart throb since the 80’s that is genuinely a little sh*t.  All the boy bands grew up ok.  I blame only child syndrome.

Save the Count from sesame street


Keep your eyes glued to MTM tomorrow for ONE!  ONE more article by Cookie.


Share Button
About Cam James 128 Articles
Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.