LONDON, UK – Trade deadline… past. NBA players on vacation and committing or gearing up to committing crimes… present. Antonio Cromartie knocking up another chick for his twelfth (known) offspring… future. Now that role call is done, I also gotta call out how much I LOVE THE OLYMPICS!!! Unlike my bud Cam James (great post yesterday, BTW), the four years between each Summer Olympicscan’t fly by fast enough. And the actual month of the Olympics comes to an end WAY too fast. Here are some of the things I LOVE about the Olympics:
Swimming: Yeah.. I feel sorry for you boys because generally the girls’ swim attire does nothing to make you feel like you wanna work on your stroke. But… damn the guys always look hot. I mean, Michael Phelps is a bit of a butta face, and Ryan Lochte is passable… but who’s making conversation? Seriously though, a guy wins NINETEEN medals, another other guy is giving him a HECK of a run for his money and a bunch of teenage and college age girls are TEARING it up out there. And yeah, the rest of the world is apparently competing against the USA too. USA! USA! USA!
Beach Volleyball: While it’s a bummer not to see the ladies’ posteriors (Junoir Blaber is CRUSHED), I DID notice that the MEN are playing in the daytime.. so they’ve got their shirts off. That’s good. And Misty May Treanor and Kerry Walsh Jennings… you just gotta love them. And as Misty May said.. ‘GO DODGERS!!‘
Cycling: Just a few short weeks after the Tour de France, Britain’s own Bradley Wiggins went on to win Olympic gold in the Men’s Cycling Road Race. Then a few days later, he wins gold in the Olympic Time Trials. His Time Trial average was THIRTY-TWO MILES PER HOUR. That’s faster (not much) than Angry Ward would get on Kate Upton’s (ahem) ‘cat daddy.’ For the women…Kristen Armstrong (no relation… yeah.. it’s a weird coincidence), came out of retirement and lost to Denmark’s Marianne Vos in the Women’s Road Race but won in the Women’s Time Trial. And if you think all this cycling business is boring… take 1:31 of your life to watch the video below of cycling legend Mark Cavendish. If this isn’t BAD ASSness on a bike.. I don’t know WHAT is (stick thru it as the best shot.. the aerial.. is at 1:00 to the end).
Rowing: Luckily for the spectating world, Olympic rowing is done in the form of an evenly started sprint and NOT a Head race. (Now taking bets on who the first sexually inspired comment on the ‘head race’ will come from.) The US Women’s 8 CRUSHED it in the heats.. and won their Gold. Yours truly was a collegiate rower.. and I will tell you this. If you want a hot chick who is FUN to hang out with… stroke your business on up to a rower.
Women’s Water F*cking Polo: All I can say is this. Cookie here considers herself to be capable of handling any other chick if it came to fisticuffs. But I tell you this; I would NOT want to get into a scrap with a water polo chick. They’ve got these mad egg-beater legs going in the water FOR-EV-ER and they’re WHIPPING a ball at each other at UNGODLY speeds, all the while trying to MURDER the SNOT out of each other. Run. And run FAST if you encounter these girls in an alley.
And with that… I’m gonna go LoLo Jones and hurdle outta here for the weekend. Come on back tomorrow for someone who is pretty good on artificial turf (if you know what I mean), The Public Professor.