Damn Mayans! Dooms Day Bucket List For Sports Fans

FLUSHING, NY – Last night I went to the last baseball game I will attend ever – unless the Cards play the Yanks in the World Series.  This season is the first NFL season that will end without a champion.  This year in college football there will be no bowl games.  There will be no Christmas Day NBA specials.  There will be no Hockey although that was a given.  New Years Day will not occur.  Ladies and Gentlemen, we have eighty-six days counting today until the end of the Earth. Thousands of years ago the Mayans predicted this. Hundreds of years ago Nostradamus predicted this. Seconds ago I predicted this… But there are a few things in the sports world I want to see happen before I perish. My Dooms Day Bucket List For Sports Fans… 

Or my 86 Days Left ‘Til Death Sports Bucket List.

First and foremost, the Cardinals repeat World Series Champions.  How fitting would it be that the team goes out in grand fashion winning back to back rings before we all die while poor Albert Pujols doesn’t even make the playoffs.  Of course, the end of the Earth doesn’t really matter to them considering that L.A. is a city of zombies anyways (except WWC).

I want to see Kate Upton compete in a naked trampoline competition.  Something needs to top NASCAR as the ultimate spectator sport before we all kick the bucket.  I’m sure that Angry Ward and I will be tuning in to this one.

Paquiao vs Mayweather:  Somewhere in heaven, the MTM crew is going to be sitting around watching a heavenly iteration of the naked tramp competition, and we are all going to be arguing over who would have won between these two. Given the circumstances, they should just nut up and fight on December 20th.  Even if it is a disappointment at least we will know.

I want Pete Rose inducted into the Hall of fame.  This one is just a no-brainer.  Give the man his due.

I would love to see Jabba the Hutt exit Verne Lundqvist’s body.

Today, crossing my fingers R.A. Dickey will become a 20-game winner for the Mets.  This one isn’t exactly on my radar but I appreciate things that make Short Matt cry.

I want to see Tim Tebow, at the 11th hour, try to save the world one Jets fan at a time just for God to reject them all.  We rams fans will be liberated from the hell we have been in for the past decade

I want to see proof of sex for the following: Serena Williams, Venus Williams, Wendy Williams.

I would love for the makers of FOX’s Celebrity Boxing to create a new sport; “Fictionial Character Death Match.”  The first Headline fight could be Wharf from Star Trek Enterprise versus Indiana Jones. I have always wondered how effective a Batliff would be in a real battle. I bet Harrison Ford still has a bit of fight in him…

I digress…. I am sure there are many things that you all would like to see before we all die.  I would love to hear them…That means leave a comment…

 

Share Button
About Cam James 125 Articles
Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.