DETROIT, MI – Leave it to Brian Cashman to turn a dismal American League Championship Series performance by his New York Yankees and a rain delay into front page headlines and the focus of Hot Stove Leagues everywhere. How? By leaking and denying the possibility that the Corporate Bombers will eat approximately $110,000,000.00 and ship Alex Rodriguez to the Florida Marlins of Miami. All this has Jose Reyes crying inconsolably. In fact, his Little Havana neighbors are rumored to be “alarmed” that his tantrums have turned quiet – that he’s now spiraled into a dangerous down-state… No, Sam’s-A-Fan, not Alabama.
Anyway, not all is lost… Let’s look at the A-Rod to Miami positives!
1) Met fans can rejoice in knowing that the Marlins will suck at 3rd base for at least 2013.
2) The Yankees will have eclipsed the Mets’ Bonny Bonilla fiasco in one stealth move, quintupling the amount owed to a player that won’t be playing in 2-3 years.
3) The Yankees can now move Derek Jeter to 3B and bring Josh Hamilton in to play CF. Hamilton in NYC will be the best Back Page fodder since… A-Rod. We hope for Josh’s sake that he stays in Texas or goes to someplace like Kansas City… At this publishing there was no team in Utah – otherwise we’d suggest Jittery Josh go there.
4) The Yankees will not only have to eat 100 million dollars – they will likely have to eat Heath Bell and the remainder of his 3-year, $27,000,000.00 contract as well. How much fun will it be to watch Heath implode while Derek, Mo and Pettitte shake their heads in disgust? How soon before Bell gets the Trenton Thunder call? All these questions need to be answered!
5) Kate Hudson and her magic hoo-ha (check spelling) don’t live in Miami. This ensures that A-Rod’s struggles will continue. Our sources tell us Alex has been “sexting Kate” in an attempt at rekindling their romance.
The really big questions that need to be answered, however, are:
A) Can the Corporate Bombers spend their way back to the post-season or are they in real trouble?
B) Can they fill the New Yankee Stadium seats?
Get your Hot Stoves ready, it’s going to be a hot winter in The Bronx. Feel free to comment below and if you can, please follow us on Twitter… @MeetTheMatts.
P.s… You reap what you sew, Jose. Remember this?