Manti Te’o A-Go-Go: Manti Ain’t Sandusky

My girl is 2nd from right.
My Internet girl is 2nd from right.

SOUTH BEND, IN – I have something in common with Manti Te’O. I also had a girlfriend I met on the Internet. By the time it was over, I kinda wished one of us was dead. Here’s to you, Miss Louisiana.

Reading about the whole Te’o girlfriend situation reminded me that if you move the letters around, LDS becomes…LSD. Because you either have to be a religious fanatic or trippin’ to believe the load of crap coming out of Notre Dame regarding the leukemia victim who…didn’t exist.

Funniest thing in the whole enchilada, however, is the press. None of the esteemed members of the fourth estate decided to do any fact checking on the story of the young girl’s tragic death. You’d a thunk that someone would have checked on her existence before this, given that when people die they leave a pretty good public trail behind (like a death certificate). No obituary. No death notice. No nothing.

You would thing that in a day and age where the average young woman has about a bazillion pictures of herself on various social media sites, that the paucity of any photographic evidence of her existence might have set off a few alarms.

Screen shot 2013-01-19 at 6.39.53 AMTurns out the only pix they had, and one that was utilized repeatedly, was from some other woman who was unaware it was being utilized as such. Because your average 19 or 20 year old only has only one picture of themselves on the web.

But nope,  the press swallowed the whole story lock, stock and barrel because it just sounded so dang good. “Boo Hoo: Dead Granny Followed By Dead Girlfriend.” What a tear-jerker.

Makes one wonder what else the press has not checked on. Perhaps that global warming stuff is just a big ol’ hoax also. Like weapons of mass destruction. You should also read this about the questioning of Manti’s sexuality and his supposed pal and mastermind of the scam, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo.

The Duck stops here!
The Duck stops here!

In other college football news, Oregon coach Chip Kelly said he was sticking with the Ducks, given his loyalty to the program and all that jazz. He said he wasn’t going to coach the Philadelphia Eagles. Nope. No way. Nada. Not gonna happen. Then he changed his mind, reminding us once again that if you want a demonstration of loyalty, get a dog. If you want a demonstration of truthfulness, talk to a kindergarten kid. But don’t expect either from any of the so-called leaders in our society; Senators, CEO’s, head coaches, priests, ministers. They’re all lying sacks of sham who would double-cross their grandma’s to get ahead.

So… Philly gets a new coach and the kids who signed a scholarship to play under Kelly at Oregon get…uh…nothing. Who cares if they were brought in under false pretenses. Welcome to the big time, suckers.

Given Kelly’s penchant for athletic quarterbacks that can run and throw the ball around in his high scoring offense, there has been much speculation that the Eagles will now draft Geno Smith out of West “by God” Virginia as their top pick. This might add greater weight to the argument that Geno’s makes better cheesesteaks than Pat’s, a crucial Philly debate. After all, if the QB is named Geno, then the cheesesteaks must be better, right?

Sandusky Manti leiGeno Steaks might not digest too well with Michel Vick; a running, gunning QB who would seem to fit Kelly’s mold. But hey, he can always go back to dog-breeding if the QB thing does not work out.

Or get himself an Internet girlfriend.

Hey, at least Manti ain’t Sandusky. See ya at the game.

Cheesy Bruin, tomorrow.

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About Dr. Diz 50 Articles
Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker's Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.